


Three Stars

by Jeb



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I'm sorry about this, Reader is involved in a war, Tags edited as story progresses, War, i really don't know what i'm doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-18 07:13:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5904403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeb/pseuds/Jeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A time of war brings everyone closer</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What am I doing

_Sweat oozed in your boots as you dug your heels into the dusty ground, mud pelting at you from your left as the sludge rained from the sky. Your grimace furthered, tears streaking down your cheeks as you recalled that there had been no rain to create any wetness that would cause mud to develop. There was only blood. There was only ever blood. The explosion that had send the mud flying at you became a new danger, the dry ground catching fire quickly. It was far enough away from you that you wouldn't need to worry about it for a while, but it was spreading fast._

_You were trembling in your boots, clutching at your arm in an attempt to steady yourself. You staggered forward, nearly dropping to your knees at the sight before you. A drought had taken over the region you called home, but the ground was thick with mud and dead bodies covered nearly every blade of grass, spilling even more fluid onto the now ruddy ground. You gulped in a shaky breath of air, holding it long enough for your lungs to scream out. You could feel the fire at your back now, blazing with an intensity that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand and your hands sweat. You trudged forward._

_You wanted to die. You wanted to be among the sea of bodies that never stopped rolling as new waves were added with every explosion, with every gun shot. You wanted this world to disappear, you wanted to diminish into nothing more than a pile of flesh and bones and be done with this war. It had been fought for far too long, now entering its third year. And over what? A few border skirmishes? That was enough to murder all of these people?_

_Your government seemed to think so. The other governments seemed to think so._

_And now you had to pay._

_Something squelched beneath your foot and you forced yourself to continue. Your fingers were grasping at your combat uniform so hard now that you feared you might rip the material. Your nails were cut short, a habit picked up after stepping more than a foot in the barracks, your home, for the first time two and a half months ago. While short, they still rubbed the material against your skin enough to chafe it, and you could still feel the clothing rip slightly beneath your touch._

_Before the sound of an explosion could fully register in your mind, a nearly monochromatic rainbow, tinged with only the slightest hint of red, blurred in front of you. Startled, you jumped back, but whatever had just stepped in front of you had long since noticed you._

_If you thought you were quaking terribly before..You were rattling as though an earthquake was shaking the mound of bodies beneath your feet as a large robotic thing slowly stood up. It had crashed into the ground before you, obliterating the lifeless bodies beneath it, and now that the sound of the explosion was ringing in your ears you could pay attention to nothing else. Your ears stung terribly as even more spatters of mud and flesh slapped across your exposed skin, you having lost your patrol cap long ago, took over all of your senses. Not even the robotic monstrosity in front of you could break your concentration._

_This moment was intruding on all of your senses. You could taste the metallic tang of your blood as your teeth bit down hard on the inside of your cheek. You could feel the flesh and mud slide down your cheeks and into your blouse. You could hear the crushing roar of screaming both far and near. You could smell the burning bodies, the burning flesh. You could see the end as it drew near, a beautiful sunset peaking out beneath your opponent._

_You didn't taste the dirt as you were suddenly thrust into one of the only body-free patches of dying grass. You didn't feel it as you slid and rolled onto your side, away from the fight. You didn't hear the robot lunging from whomever had shown you mercy and thrown you from danger just before the robot could get to you. You couldn't smell the odor of oil as the robot suddenly found a valve ruptured by the other being. You didn't see the skeletal monster as he drove a white object into the shoulder of the robot._

_You were lost to the moment. At least, you were lost for a little while._

_Your tongue was heavy in your mouth as you twitched, replaying the scene from just seconds earlier over and over again. You were going to go mad if you had to see it anymore, but you couldn't stop yourself from watching as your mind projected it. You didn't register as your left shoulder began to rise and fall, a distraught twitch that began to take over your left side. You were shaking even more violently than before but you couldn't feel a thing._

_You could only feel the sensation of blood running down your cheeks, your skin riddled with flesh and tears._

_How had it come to all of this? You were twenty! Or, well, you would be, soon. You were supposed to be in college, or maybe not. You were supposed to be doing something. Something good, something that didn't have you forcibly take the lives of others and risk your own every minute of every day. You knew what you were fighting for, who you were fighting for, but that didn't make it feel any less disgusting._

_You didn't ask yourself why you had enrolled. You knew why. Your younger sister was going to be drafted. If you were too young for this, then she was_ certainly _too young for this. Her childhood had already been stolen away due to the inevitable war that everyone had been so foolishly unprepared for, despite it being all anyone could talk about for nearly a decade prior to the first battle. You couldn't just let her go. So you hadn't. You had shipped yourself off in her stead, and now you were paying the price._

_It was worth every second._

_A distinct gurgling sound brought you from your thoughts, the haze of your mind projecting images of that robot dissipating briefly. Accompanied with the sound of electricity and flames, it sounded as though someone was choking._

_One quick self-evaluation told you that you were the one choking._

_No, you were still in front of that robot. You hadn't been choking when it landed in front of you. How could you feel as though you were lacking air? You were fine. You could breathe. You were-!_

_You stopped as something screamed only just a few paces from where you lay. You were not standing before that robot. You were here, on something uncomfortable, and you were choking. You forced yourself to gasp precious lungfuls of air, pressing the oxygen into your body and barely giving yourself enough time to exhale before shoving more air into your lungs. Your hands scrambled for purchase on the hard ground below you, and upon finding something that you knew was a human leg or arm though you weren't going to check to see which it was, you pulled yourself up._

_"*Mettaton!" Another voice flooded into the loud clearing, the atmosphere becoming even more ominous as you looked at your would-be killer and your savior. Your heart stopped in your chest as you took in the sight of_ that _emblem, decorating their arms and dotting along their caps, or, in the case of the robot, the side of their metal skull. You were too far away to make out the details, but you would never be able to misidentify that mark. It just wasn't something that you could forget after seeing it stamped onto the clothing that belonged to so many lifeless forms, it wasn't something you could just forget after seeing it pasted across school halls and adorning headlines and news reports. The sword with four edges placed in a flower, it was a symbol of death for the people of your region, it was the symbol of hatred and stupidity. To you, at least._

_The people, just as yours, who wore such a mark were proud to die for what it stood for._

_The robot hissed something you couldn't make out, you weren't sure if it had spoken words or if it was even capable of doing so. The skeleton had placed its hands on the shoulders of the robot and the two were engaged in a heated staring contest. The skeleton pushed a little bit harder, the robot staggering back a moment before digging its boots into the ground to help maintain ground. "*Go." The words were laced with as much poison as the being likely possessed, those belonging to the Catalyst Region usually carrying a varied stock of lethal and nonlethal poisons and fluids._

_"You cannot keep doing this, Sans," Evidently, the robot could speak. And it was capable of managing words. Its voice sounded as though it belonged to an elegant or haughty movie star, not to was likely a ruthless killing machine. "You know my purpose, you know your purpose." The robot shoved back onto the skeleton and you began to rise, fully ready to take off in any direction that would take you far from these two monsters. Or perhaps it was just one monster and one robot. You didn't know. You didn't_ care _. You wanted to get out of there._

_You shot a glance down to the two stripes that were threaded onto a now bloodied patch of fabric on your chest. There were two of them. You used to wonder at how you got so lucky, most of your peers, of whom were monumentally more experienced, were Privates or Private First Class'. You stood with the rank of a Corporal, and you wanted nothing more than to throw the soaked patch, which hung from its Velcro limply, onto the ground and grind it into the blood sodden dirt with the heel of your boot._

_Your shoulder began to twitch just as the robot spared you a glance, shoving the skeleton away from him with a great amount of fortitude, more determination in its eyes(?) than you held in your entire body. Without needing to be prompted further, you shot down the body-laden path on your right, dodging through bodies and leaping into patches of clear grass as though you were back at boot camp and jumping through tires instead. You turned your head to peer back at the scene you had just fled, regretting it immediately as you found yourself being chased by both of the beings from a few moments prior._

_Your lungs howled and your legs screamed as you pounded away from those two. The skeleton held something akin to sorrow in its gaze as he hurdled towards you, apparently abandoning all thoughts of letting you leave alive. The robot shot at you with reckless stubbornness, tromping through the bodies you had so carefully avoided just to get close to you as quick as possible. The feeling of bodies giving way beneath your feet disturbed you, the heavy crunch of bones and squelch of flesh making you wish that you had just allowed them to kill you right then and there._

_But you couldn't do that. Even if your sister wasn't drafted, someone would be sent in your place. You didn't want this, you would never wish it upon someone else. If one less person could get drafted by you just staying alive then you would do your very best to keep your heart pumping and your body in use._

_You would stay alive._

_You swirled around just as the robot slammed into you, throwing you off of your feet and forcing precious air from your lungs._

_Perhaps now that you had resolved to stay living, you would die._

_Your arm twisted as the two of you rolled, pounding into the ground and separating after smashing into a particularly hard tree. You noticed that you were close to the brush, now. You could get away, probably, if you really pushed yourself. This robot was damaged, leaking oily fluids and displaying torn wires and dented metal. The skeleton was still at least a hundred paces away thanks to your tumbling, you could easily get out of this situation if you tried._

_But then who would the robot be set on next? Who would die in your place?_

_Damned your empathetic heart._

_You darted over to the robot and reared an arm back, smashing it into the being's face before sinking your foot into its chest. It let out a terrifying squeal as something in its chasm collapsed and it was only then that you let up your assault._

_Damned your empathetic heart._

_You cast a guilty look over the robot, wanting nothing more than to help it up and strut off this battle field to find it help. You felt bad for hurting it, but it was going to kill you._

_You spun around and began to take off into the forest. You didn't look behind you, not wanting to make that mistake again. Should that robot miraculously heal itself, let it fling itself upon you and catch yourself by surprise. Your adrenaline was dwindling and your clothing was soaked with blood as heavily as your boots were, the unpleasant feeling of wet socks sliding across your damp skin increasing with every stride._

_You bared your teeth as you launched yourself beyond shrubs and trees. As you passed, you noticed a helpless looking man hunkering in the woods with an arm draped across his shoulders. He was assisting a provocatively dressed feline woman, the portly monster hobbling beside her guide. Her uniform was torn and shredded, revealing things that were best left covered, and her face was riddled with cuts and bruises. She looked a mess, and from the way her leg was bleeding, she had narrowly escaped death._

_Your brows furrowed at that._

_When this war began, all three partied had come to the agreement that monsters should not be involved in this fight for the simple fact that they were killed too easily. You didn't need to be good at what you do to land a hit on the weaker ones and kill them. Their lives proved to be much more important than human lives, an idea that angered many including those of monster kind, and so they were instructed to stay away from the war. They, naturally, did the opposite._

_Monster kind had dispersed all throughout the world, and when their homes were threatened and their friends moved to defend their regions, they took up arms as well. They didn't care if that meant that they would be pitted against their own kind, they cared about defending what they called home, protecting what and who they loved no matter the cost. Some called it noble, you called it dumb. They would have been able to escape this war without so much as a single casualty, all three government leaders deciding that no region would be bombed anywhere but on the battle field so as not to harm any monster._

_Why they had so easily come to such agreements and not ones that would prevent this war, you would never understand._

_The cat woman called out to you, though you quickly learned that she was trying to tell you something. "-Uck!"_

_You guessed the first letter of her plea and threw yourself to the ground, rolling just out of the way of something heavy. Another explosion, this one sounding much farther away than the first few, and you were scrambling back onto your feet. The robot let out a low growl of frustration, hovering close to the ground in a predatory position. You wasted no time in putting distance in between yourself and it, moving in front of the two soldiers without checking their patches or emblems._

_You spread out into a star-like position, protecting as much of both as you could. You glared down at the robot, the skeleton still absent from this skirmish._

_The moment those metallic teeth flashed, you knew you were fucked. The terrible robotic beast lunged, hands poised in air and ready to dig into your flesh upon contact, and you froze. Your lips parted and you let out a harrowing yell just before kicking out. Your foot slammed into the robot's chin, smashing its face skywards and knocking it off course. Fear licked at your heart and jaded your mind, possible reactions and scenarios playing through the back of your mind._

_"You shouldn't have done that," The beast brought a hand to its face, smacking at its chin as if to re-position it. You watched with dull curiosity as its back arched, "_ Darling _." The word nearly split your brain in half as you tried to back away from the beast. You saw that the two soldiers you had been trying to protect were now cowering not far away, watching your movements carefully, and you resolved not to let them see any more fear come from you than they already had._

_Back straightening, fists clenching, you moved to sink another blow against the metal being._

__"Thank you for coming, Superintendent," You snapped back to reality without so much as a startle and extended an arm reflexively. Your hands were enveloped by large furry ones and you gazed up into the kind eyes of the former King of all monster kind, now a two-star general in the same branch of military, Army, you were. Though, Asgore was on the other side. He belonged to the Impetus Region and you to the Exhortation.

While you would not have been cold to him regardless, you were glad he did not hail from the Catalyst Region. Despite having served for more than ten years on the war field and being an active member on the more political field of this war for three, you could never shake off the initial distrust and hatred that sparked within you at seeing that emblem. The Impetus are part of the still active war, but they had not been the ones to goad on the war. 

You tried to be as friendly and as tolerable as possible, but should you see the Catalyst Region Leader, you doubted you would be able to be so jovial at shaking their hand. You didn't know who it would be, the previous Leader, a disturbing man who you had never bothered to get well acquainted with due to the ominous aura he all but radiated, being assassinated shortly after the last meeting two months ago. This killing had spurred on more fighting on the front lines as the Catalyst took it upon themselves to wreak havoc in retaliation, the reaction of the Catalyst people, as well as the need to elect a new Region Leader, having delayed this meeting by one month. You still didn't have much to report, though you supposed that may change should the new Region Leader prove to be more willing to negotiate than the last. 

You briefly tried to recall what the regions were called before the names Exhortation, Impetus, and Catalyst had been sprung onto them. You knew that they were previously nations and not regions, how the former had become the latter you did not remember, but you couldn't remember their names. The war having been unofficially waged for twenty six years and physically for sixteen, you were thirty three now and had only been a child when the former nations had been erased from the school curriculum and been replaced with those region names. 

You slapped your right hand against the back of Asgore's left, of which was cradling your left almost awkwardly now. The gesture was one of peace, something that had been developed on the front lines to convey the message that no harm was going to be pressed upon that person and you had quickly picked up on the movement from your time on the battle field. It was a hard habit to break, and you weren't sure if you even wanted to. "It's always good to see you, Major General Asgore," You addressed him by his rank instead of his title, not entirely sure of what his title was currently, as it was always changing. 

His face was heavy with happy expressions but you could see what hid beneath those warm eyes. He, too, had fought in this never ending war. He, too, would rather be fighting there than debating here. Another body was so casually placed in his place, in your place, lives wasted when the both of you stood ready to give your hearts and souls for your homes and for your people. "Please, Lieutenant General _____, call me Asgore," His voice held mirth and joy but you knew it to be a lie. 

You smiled and removed your hands from his, tugging your hand away from his grip. The two of you had grown close since you first came to the political side of the war, and while you would never consider him a friend, it was nice to know that you had an ally within the confines of the large building you currently resided in. You knew that once the two of you stepped out the front doors and outside that he would no longer hold the same value to you as he did within these walls, and you would not hold any value to him, but it was still a nice thought. "Will do, Asgore," You refrained from adding his rank. "And please, address me by my name, as well," It was a conversation the two of you had had since the third meeting you had been involved in. The sentiment was lost on neither of you, though it may have been to those listening in. 

The sound of metal screeching across the floor carried your attention, though not fully, away from the large goat monster who was only a pace away from your position. You watched with curious eyes as your Region Leader, a stout lizard monster named Alphys, shuffled through the doors. Had someone told you that before she had taken up her role as Region Leader she was a shy and stuttering mess of a monster who had trouble with public speaking, you would have called them a liar. Her confident demeanor was paralleled by no other Region Leader, though not enough to develop into hubris. She knew what she wanted, and she knew what she had to do to get it. This was a woman who all, regardless of what region they hail from, look up to. 

Behind her, the Impetus Region Leader stepped through the now open door. This Leader, too, was a formidable one. She went by the name Toriel and had more kindness than any being tangled up in a war should have, her empathy often bleeding into her arguments but making her no less of an excellent Leader and woman. You had been told by many that she hadn't changed much since taking up a role as a Region Leader, and you assumed that that was why she was the most beloved of all the Leaders. She was kind, she was fair, and she wanted nothing more than to end this war as quickly as possible. Your Leader did, as well, but wanted to ensure victory first. Alphys did not want any more bloodshed to come out of this war, but she did not want her territory to be lessened by the greedy Catalysts. 

You waited with careful breath as the final Leader began to pass through the doors. You knew that the others were watching with as much caution, worry, and curiosity as you. Toriel looked as though she had to reach a mighty impasse just to walk through the doors today, giving you the impression that she either knew who the newly elected Catalyst Region Leader was, or that she had gotten a good enough reading off of them to assume the worst. Alphys looked as collected as she always did, the facade rarely breaking and never in the company of anyone from another region. There were no Catalyst representatives in the sparsely filled meeting hall, disturbing the mood even further. 

It wasn't until after Toriel had stepped aside and had descended down the steps towards her seat that the final Leader came into full view, obviously admiring dramatic entrances. You hoped that this meeting wouldn't entail a dramatic exit. 

The human who stepped through, a tall and thoroughly covered being whose gender you could not discern, they had shielded nearly every inch of their skin with thick dark clothing, looked almost menacing. Not nearly as dangerous as the being that followed them. 

Your mind throbbed painfully as your memories began to warp your view of the monster behind the Catalyst Region Leader. They were shroud in enough LED lights to light up an airport, vibrantly flashing as they sauntered with ease into the hall. They slunk down the steps behind their Leader like a lioness on the hunt, their eyes scanning the small crowd with reckless abandon. You refused to let the familiar robot concern you, though. The memory that threatened to bring you away from the present was a decade old, now, and this being would never cause such fear again. 

You met their gaze with cool nonchalance, though the lack of a spark of recognition let you know that they did not know who you were. You wondered if you had changed so much in the thirteen years since you had met them on the battle field, or perhaps they had been prone to letting the enemy escape back then?

From the rank sitting atop their shoulders, which you could see when they passed you, you saw that they were the same rank as Asgore. Another sound of heels clicking against the floor, and you turned to see a few more Catalyst stragglers wander into the hall. You looked to Asgore and nodded almost imperceptibly, letting him know that it was time to take your seats. 

You found your spot two seats away from Alphys and across from a stone faced rabbit monster who bore the Catalyst emblem atop his cap. The triangular table, evenly crafted so that the Leaders, who sat at the points, did not appear to be the head of any discussion, allowed for little space between yourself and the Catalysts. Too little space, in your opinion. 

Alphys' voice crackled in the air, startling more than a few Impetus representatives, "Let's get started." Her tone had an edge to it, and you had a feeling that this new Region Leader was the cause of it. 

You prepared yourself for the meeting.


	2. Chapter 2

_There was only blood. There was only ever blood._

You pressed a hand to your temple and rubbed at the skin with the heel of your palm furiously. Why you had suddenly become so fixated on that particular memory, you didn't know. There were plenty of good memories from your time on the front lines, and even though the bad outnumbered the good, there were other memories than that one. There was the time you had bested an entire fleet of Catalyst soldiers armed with only a machine gun, a few magazine holsters, and your best friend. There were all those nights that you stayed up at night in your bunk, not bothering to turn to see how many beds were left vacant from the day's fight. There was the brief period of time where you had thought you found your significant other, and they would have likely been your spouse had the two of you not been actively engaged in a bloody war, but that had ended when you watched them get blown to bits in front of you. 

There were plenty of other memories. Why that particular one had taken up so much of your time today, you didn't know. You shouldn't even be focusing on the past, you should be reflecting on the meeting that had just recently ended. 

_And now you had to pay._

You let out a wordless grown, digging your fingers into your scalp and parting the long waves of hair. You had released the strands from the bun that they had been tied back in the moment you had arrived back home, and now that you were back in public, it felt odd. You had tried to tie it back, but your hairs were unruly after being confined into a sweaty heap atop your head for so long. You had also discarded your uniform for something more comfortable, your old ACUs. You no longer had civilian clothing. There was no need for such luxuries, whether on the front lines or not you were still part of this vicious war and you weren't afraid to show it. If it meant one more person gets to wear civilian garb in your stead, you could do without the soft materials that came with non-militaristic clothing. Not having your hair in its necessary bun while also in uniform felt uncomfortable to you, and you resolved to put your hair back up the very moment the strands began to cooperate again. 

_Something squelched beneath your foot-_ You looked up as someone called your name. Your elbows pressed into the bar counter as you looked up at your old friend, the flame monster peering down at you with a glass in his hand. "Are you alright?" He asked, a question that he asked often. _-and you forced yourself to continue._

You didn't offer a smile. It would have been weak if you had. Instead, you crinkled your eyes at him, "Yeah, Grillbz. I'm fine." The elemental did not seem content but nodded regardless. He asked you how the meeting went, having heard about it on the news, and you waved him off. "You know I can't talk about that," 

You couldn't even think about it, apparently. Grillby's face shifted, and you thought he might have been smiling, "I know." 

The meeting, truthfully, had gone as well as you suspected it might. The new Catalyst Region Leader had remained silent throughout the entire few hours spent there, using his robotic friend to speak for him. The two must have rehearsed every possible outcome because that robot was prepared for every word that Alphys or Toriel spoke, and always had a rebuttal on the side for when the conversation veered from topics that were less than friendly. As per usual, the other representatives did not speak, allowing their Leaders to do all of the talking, but the Catalyst especially had seemed diligent in their want to remain silent. 

They had stony expressions, and all throughout the meeting, you could not shake the feeling that something was going on. You chalked it up to your long term bias against the Catalyst. 

_You could only feel the sensation of blood running down your cheeks, your skin riddled with flesh and tears._

You wiped at your cheeks absently, knowing that there was nothing there. Grillby stayed at his position in front of you, regarding you curiously as though hoping to locate a flaw in you that would enlighten him as to what you were thinking about. You knew he wouldn't. Grillby had become on of your closest friends, and not because his food was spectacular, throughout the years. Where most would see an unkind and hardened visage perusing the crevices of your face, not a smile or friendly glint to be found, this monster had broken passed quite a few of your walls. Enough to be able to read you better than most. 

_How had it come to all of this?_

Your shoulder began to twitch as anxiety began to build within you. Aside from that, none of your inner turmoil was present physically, making your emotions unable to be read by the general public. You had long since stopped trying to rid yourself of the nervous twitch, your shoulders moved without control and would only become more wild if you tried to suppress the sudden quaking. "Can I get the usual?" You finally asked, eyes trained hard on the counter in front of you. You didn't look up to see your old friend nod, but you did see him whisk away from your peripheral vision. 

Despite regularly taking up homage in a bar, you didn't drink. You knew it would help you forget, but it would lower your inhibitions, and that wasn't something you needed. You knew more about this war than most monsters, only a few, including your Leader, knowing more about it than you. You weren't about to go spewing secrets that weren't yours to share. 

The bar stool felt uncomfortable beneath your rear and you shifted almost imperceptibly. The crowd within the warm building had grown used to you, some even readily calling themselves your friend, but you didn't want to draw more attention than you already had. Your presence always brought about an ominous air to the building, as much as you hated to admit. You were a symbol of the ongoing war. You were hard and stiff with memories and facts that nobody wanted to ever relive or relearn, you were the embodiment of everything that had been lost and everything that could be gained. Some hated you for it, but most tried to ignore you. They had stopped trying to integrate you further into the friendly environment, much to your relief. 

Something heavy plopped into the seat to your left. 

You knew it would be unprofessionally rude to stare, so you didn't. When they made a move to strike up a conversation, though, your interest had been peaked enough for you to spare a glance at the person beside you. "*Hey, bud." Their voice held an air of uncharacteristic seriousness, they were pretending to be something that they weren't. Without even knowing them, you could tell that their voice had once been jovial, perhaps a bit lazy if their languid way of speaking was any indication. They spaced out their words as though they thought they were speaking to a foreigner, but you picked up on the inherent laziness when you took in their slumped figure.

They looked tired. 

_You wanted to die._

"Hello." You grunted out, hoping that you didn't sound too rude. Now that you were looking at them, you couldn't stop staring. The person who had seated themselves down at your side was wearing a similar get up that the Catalyst Region Leader had been wearing, but you knew it to be ridiculous to assume that they were the same person. The meeting building was located on a safe zone, a territory that did not belong to anyone in the war, but the Leaders never stayed there long. And they certainly didn't visit other regions. 

They weren't looking at you. Or, at least, you didn't think they were looking at you. They were piled high with enough clothing to make you feel as though you were talking to a mountain instead of a person. Every inch of them was shrouded with layer upon layer of black clothing, most of which didn't look too soft but you had a feeling that they were wearing clothing underneath this wall of material that likely was as soft as these weren't. 

You stared openly for a moment but refused your want to gawk at the figure. Turning away as Grillby slid over your food, you thanked him. "*I'll take whatever they have." The figure spoke again, their voice gruff but not hoarse. They couldn't be the Catalyst Leader, that thing hadn't spoken so much as a word to anyone during the entire meeting. This voice was not rugged with disuse, in fact it sounded as though it was used constantly. Grillby nodded at them, staring at the new visitor with interested speculation for a moment too long before calmly darting away. 

You got the feeling that the two of them knew each other, easing your frazzled nerves slightly. It wasn't uncommon for friends to be separated by loyalties, but to you knowledge, Grillby had abandoned all of the friends he had had that chose the Impetus or Catalyst over the Exhortation. 

When the monsters had first broken free of the barrier several decades ago, they had been allowed to choose where they wanted to live. And so they did. And when the war broke out, they had chosen to stay where they had placed their homes, they had chosen to fight for their homes even though they would have been protected if they hadn't. 

_They didn't care if it meant that they would be pitted against their own kind, they cared about defending what they called home, protecting what and who they loved no matter the cost._ "*You okay, pal?" _Some called it noble,-_

You shot a glare at your food before digging in. _-you called it dumb._ You chomped down on the precious meat and bread. Ketchup squelched in your mouth as you pounded your powerful molars down on your food. When you were younger, you had been a vegetarian. The war did not have a place for such special eating habits.

When it appeared that you weren't going to be answering him any time soon, the stranger hunched his shoulders in what you assumed would be a shrug if he hadn't been covered so heavily, "*What did you think about the meeting?" 

"I am not allowed to discuss such things with civilians." Your curt response was automatic, spat out the second you had gulped down your mouthful of food. You didn't question how the stranger, presumably a male, had known about your presence at the meeting. You had become well known, as all of the representatives were, for taking part in the meetings. The cameras were never allowed to get a shot of anyone once they had passed onto the meeting grounds, but were always ready to snap a few pictures or record a few videos whenever Alphys and her entourage returned. You didn't see any cameras, but you wouldn't be surprised if they had somehow managed to get some footage today. 

He let out a sharp bark of laughter, a quick little chuckle that sounded neither sincere nor genuine in emotion, and you refrained from asking him what he wanted. He didn't mention your earlier comment, instead turning his body towards yours. You took in another mouthful of meat and mashed bread, ignoring the creeping feeling of familiarity as it dawned on you. This man seemed familiar, and while you would have chalked it up to him wearing a similar outfit that the Catalyst Region Leader had been wearing, you knew it was his voice that brought the sudden discomfort. 

_Who would die in your place?_

You felt harrowed and weak, your body strung up like old violin strings that had lost their taut composure. Instead you sagged, though not visibly. You dug into your food with a newly heated fervor, not moving to look up as Grillby placed a similar dish before the stranger. The flame monster left with the usual gruff, "Enjoy." 

"*You really like Grillbz's food, huh?" You pulled away from your food long enough to throw your hands up to your head. Your hair had been annoying you for a while, so you tugged it through a few of the various hair bands you kept strapped to your left arm. By the time it was back up in its usual tight bun, you still had three left, only having used two. You went back to work on your food. "*Yeah, me, too." 

_"*Mettaton!_

You stopped for a moment, tearing your gaze from the food in front of you to stare at the being beside you. The voice ringing in your head sounded so similar to the voice belonging to the heavily clothed person to your left. They sounded a bit more muffled, but you couldn't help but feel the ominous glare of recognition as it dawned over your person. 

You searched their shoulders, hoping to find an indent left by any emblem. You didn't care if you found what you were looking for, as much dread as that would cause you, you just wanted to find their allegiance. Even if it meant finding that emblem. 

_The sword with four edges placed in a flower,-_ "What region did you say that you belonged to?" _-it was a symbol of death for the people of your region, it was the symbol of hatred and stupidity._

"*I don't believe I ever stated that," _To you, at least._ You shoved a hand in your pocket to search for your wallet. Shoving the last of your food into your mouth with your other hand, you pulled out the leather rectangle and threw a wad of bills onto the counter. You were likely overpaying, but it was fine. 

Your question was a stupid one, you knew that. No one from other regions actively made a decision to visit another region. No one was that dumb. This was just a new body disrupting the constant flow of monsters and humans who regularly vacated the bar. Perhaps soon enough this thing would also become a regular customer. You wiped your hands off on the napkin provided by Grillby and clutched at your patrol cap once your hands were free. 

You were overreacting, you knew that. You were being completely unprofessional and rude, but this stranger gave you a bad feeling. On the front lines, you had learned to listen to feelings rather than orders if you wanted to live. 

_You would stay alive._

You ignored the rushing desire to press your palms to your ears in an attempt to block out the memory. You spun on your heels, not waiting for Grillby to make an appearance, and began to make your way towards the door. Before you could get more than three steps away, the stranger spoke up, "*What did you say your name was?" 

Without missing a beat, you spouted, "I don't believe I ever stated that." 

"*heh." Their laugh took on a lazy pout, the sound shocking you but not enough to startle you visibly. You turned to look over your shoulder, noticing how the stranger hadn't even moved. How did he plan to eat with all of that clothing covering his face? He coughed slightly, a hand pressing against where you assumed his mouth was. "*Well," His voice had regained its original seriousness. "*Maybe when we see each other next, I'll tell you my name and you can tell me yours." 

You doubted that, but you refrained from telling him that. Instead, you parted further from the odd body, waving to Grillby on your way out. 

_Your lungs howled and your legs screamed as you pounded away from those two._

After patting the patrol cap on your head, you resolved to take a long nap once you arrived back home.


	3. Chapter 3

_You stared up at the top bunk with wide eyes, your breathing labored and your tears heavy as they rained down your cheeks. Damned your oversensitive heart, which was currently breaking. Well, no, it had broken a long time ago. A more accurate description would be that the parts of your heart, shattered and scattered, were cracking just a little bit more. That did nothing to ease your troubled mind, though._

_Today had been a hard day for everyone, regardless of what side they were on. Today had been a hard day for everyone. The losses were heavy, enough so that you were one of three left in the barracks, and your side hadn't even been dealt the worst of blows. The Impetus, bless their hearts and heal their souls, had had the most loss. Their Region Leader, a kind woman named Toriel who you knew would be your best friend if circumstances had been different, didn't want any bloodshed. The Impetus had only gotten into the fight because, like yours, their territory had also been breached by the greedy Catalyst freaks._

_They really were freaks. Only freaks could do what they did today._

_Toriel had issued out an order of peace, of which the Catalyst had made it their goal to ignore. You could still hear the shrieks as they tore about in your mind, restless. Those fiends tore into monsters and humans alike, regardless of the age or nationality. Regionality? Whatever the public wanted to call it, the Catalyst showed no discrimination in their desire to defeat the Impetus. On more than one occasion today, you had seen children obliterated, and on more occasions than you could count, you had seen Catalyst pitted against Catalyst in a bloodthirsty battle for power. It was disgusting._

_They were disgusting._

_Toriel had just wanted the fighting to stop, but the Catalyst Region Leader hadn't allowed such weakness. He wanted to pressure the lovely goat woman into putting up an honest fight, and Toriel's lack of will to do that had left their numbers dwindling._

_There had been so much blood._

_You shut your eyes tightly, the tears flowing with reckless abandon now. You let out a rugged breath that you didn't know you had been holding in, your fingers curling tightly in the plain sheets._

_You couldn't save any of them._

_You knew that for the rest of your days, those sights would bore into the skin beneath your eyelids and would haunt your dreams for the rest of your life. You would have been a fool to think that they wouldn't. The Catalyst hadn't spared anyone, this was just the price you had to pay for escaping the battle without injury._

_You couldn't even_ help _any of them._

_Your hands released the sheets and flew to your eyes. You rubbed furiously at your eyes, willing the pain to go away and for your tears to dry. Neither things happened, of course._

__Your eyes flew open and a broken sob left your lips. The sound came without any tears, and without any real emotion. You had become an expert at suppressing both things, it came to you naturally now, but that didn't lessen the dull throb of a headache as the physical pain passed over you.

Sitting up so that your back was pressed against the arm rest, you stretched out on your couch. You had been so tired earlier that you had plopped down to sleep in your uniform, you hadn't even made an effort to remove your boots. What had left you feeling so drained, you didn't know. You reached your hands up to your head, you had at least had the sense to remove your patrol cap. You sighed heavily and relaxed a little bit. You didn't bother untying your boots, you would likely be called to do something shortly. 

As if sensing your thoughts, your phone began to ring from the other side of the room. You briefly spared the dream a thought, you were glad that it hadn't had time to reach its climax, that particular memory wasn't pleasant. Not many of your memories were. Pushing off of the couch and getting up, you quickly strode over to your phone and snatched it up. It had been comfortably resting atop a cushion belonging to a worn love seat, the faded green fabric looking almost moldy in color. 

You took what you could get. 

You didn't bother checking who it was, most people didn't allow their numbers to be shown when calling others, pressing the phone to your ear after accepting the call. "Exhortation Lieutenant General _____ speaking." Your curt response was as automatic as most of your responses. 

The static cleared just in time to hear the scratchy voice crackle from the other side, "Exhortation Region Leader Alphys speaking." 

This was a surprise. 

Before you could begin to go about the necessary formalities that were standard procedure for events like this, Alphys cut you off, informing you that she had something important to tell you and that such formalities would need to be dismissed. Another surprise, but you weren't going to question your Leader. "I'd rather us forego any idle chitchat that may come up," Alphys cut to the chase quickly, "The war is ending." 

Alphys calling you had been a surprise. Alphys waving away protocols was a surprise. 

This? To call it a surprise would be an understatement. You gawked at the wall across from you, the phone now glued to your ear and you weren't planning on removing it anytime soon. You didn't clarify on the off chance that you had misheard your Leader, that would waste time and Alphys had already stressed on the importance of not doing that. "And soon." Alphys finished. She sounded hesitant, not something you were used to hearing. "O-on one condition." 

Your Leader had stuttered. That, along with the hesitance, was a first. 

You listened intently, not daring to interrupt her. She took a few minutes to speak again, and the silence weighed on you heavily. "The Catalyst Region Leader discussed with Toriel and myself that he would like to bring unity to our regions." You wondered when that had happened, the Catalyst Leader not having spoken a word at the meeting. "He is sending over an ambassador to smooth over the relations between his people and ours. To prove that this treaty is serious, the ambassador he is sending over is his brother." 

You frowned at that. You did not know the Catalyst Region Leader, and so perhaps maybe he hated his brother, but you knew that you would never allow your sister to traverse such dangerous territories alone. Well, it wasn't likely that the Catalyst ambassador would be alone, especially with such close ties to the Catalyst Leader, but still. 

You made a mental note to visit your sister as soon as you could. You were going to do that anyway, but hearing this news and feeling slight empathy towards the no doubt powerful brothers only cemented your resolve. "The ambassador will not be alone." You nodded, having expected as much. "He will be accompanied by two guards, both formidable opponents should you meet them in battle. I hope it does not come to that. The ambassador is a skeletal monster who is the head of the Catalyst political campaign. He is an active advocate of ending the war, and has been met with little resistance in the Catalyst Region." You almost breathed a sigh of relief. The Catalyst people were tired of all this fighting, too? "His name is Papyrus. The guards accompanying him will also be monsters." 

Alphys continued to give you the profiles of the two. The first one she told you about was a monster you already knew, one that gave you shudders and fueled your nightmares most of the time. Mettaton, a monster who had been gifted the purpose of killing humans when he lived Underground and who readily took up that hobby once again after the war began. Alphys sounded terribly sad when she spoke about the monster, and you knew that they had previously been close. That wasn't uncommon, Alphys knew most of the monsters regardless of where they now lived. 

Her little breaks in character when speaking about Mettaton were nothing compared to the obvious depression clouding her voice when she spoke about the next guard, an aquatic monster named Undyne. Undyne is the head of the Catalyst guard and had a kill count to match her title. From the way she was described, you were glad that you had met Mettaton on the battle field instead of her. Alphys didn't dwell on the fish monster for too long, giving you enough detail to give you an idea about how to act. 

"I-I-I'm not telling you about this for n-no reason." It sounded as though Alphys was fighting back tears for a moment before regaining her confident composure. In a blink, your Leader was back, talking to you in the same manner she always had: Full of purpose, devoid of insecurity. "The Catalyst Region Leader had made it very clear that he already had an idea as to whom he wanted Papyrus' escort to be." 

You nodded. Alphys paused just long enough for you to speak for the first time since announcing your name. "I will contact the subordinate he chose." 

So the Catalyst Region Leader was a male. You'd known that for a little while, Alphys had keyed you into that fact when this conversation began, but it only just dawned on you. You expected a bloodthirsty heir to follow in Richard, the only Catalyst Region Leader's footsteps. Instead, this one wanted peace? "That won't be necessary, Lieutenant General." Her deep sigh was audible from your end. "The soldier he selected for this task fits your description very well. You are to join me on a visit to the neutral grounds tomorrow evening so that he can confirm that it is you that he wants." 

You froze. "Ma'am?" You asked, thankful for your rigorous training. Your voice didn't come out in a squeak as you had thought it might. 

"He described a Lieutenant General who stands at your height, who has your hair color, and who has your facial features. This coupled with the fact that you are our only Lieutenant General, I believe it is reason enough to believe that it is you that he is looking for." You patted your hair absently, idly wondering if you looked like a child to anyone who might be peering in. You certainly felt like one. Today was full of surprises. "It is just supposed to be you and I attending this meeting, but I will be requesting backup. Regardless of him wanting to end this war or not, I will not leave you without some form of protection." 

You wanted to question if he had really sought you out, if he really knew what the rank of a Lieutenant General looked like, but you knew it would be a feeble argument. The ranks didn't change, and the Catalyst Region Leader was likely very intelligent to get lifted to such a high position. "Yes, ma'am. What time will we be going?" 

"Be ready by no later than seventeen-hundred." 

"Yes, ma'am." You nodded, repeating the number in your head enough to cement it there. "And what uniform is required?" 

She informed you that ACUs were not preferable. You squirmed in the set you were currently wearing but decided it was for the best. The Catalyst Region Leader had no doubt spotted you at the meeting, your internal clock told you that it was just earlier today despite the darkness on the other side of the window you were peering at, and it wouldn't do you any good to seem unprofessional. 

You bid your Leader a good night and hung up. You weren't prepared to go back to sleep, the dream from earlier still fresh in your mind, and so you sat on the couch for a while more. At some point during your conversation you had stood up, so when you sat back down, it was a heavy plop. You were still feeling as exhausted as when you first fell asleep, though slightly more so. It took your all to keep your eyelids open, telling yourself that you didn't need sleep. 

You resisted the rumbling lull of sleep for nearly two hours before passing out. You thought about the service you would be doing your region if you were able to assist the Catalyst ambassador in anything he needed. You thought about your sister who only just narrowly evaded being drafted each year. You thought about your friends who would be spared. You thought about the tombstones you visited whenever you could. You thought about Grillby and you thought about Alphys and you thought about Asgore. By the time you had fallen asleep, you had thought about almost every one close to you, nodding off before you could run through the list entirely. 

_You couldn't save any of them._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, this chapter is really long

Not even the sound of dry soil crunching beneath your boots could drown out the sound of far away bombs as the explosions rocked the earth and shattered any peace that there may have been. You passed onto the dirt separating the neutral grounds and Exhortation territory with ease, your eyes trained on the small group of people a few meters in front of you. As your left foot struck neutral soil, you found yourself more tense than you had been while fighting your last few battles. 

Alphys, not someone you associated with being prone to exaggeration, had informed you that the peace treaty between the Exhortation and the Catalyst was riding on how well you got along with their ambassador. That wasn't hard. While you generally weren't a pleasant body for company, you would go out of your way to be less than hostile for this monster. No, what was hard was anticipating how the citizens of your region would react. 

For many, the Catalyst emblem alone was enough to trigger post traumatic stress disorder. For others, that symbol struck fear into their hearts, along with anguish and hatred. For you, it did both. 

You almost visibly cringed as you took in the sight before you. You could hear Alphys dragging along at your side, shuffling along the dirty ground slowly as if to search for any danger. You didn't blame her. Half of the monsters from the Catalyst region looked ready to tear your shreds. The aquatic monster, presumably Undyne, had already materialized a magical spear and looked poised to strike out at anyone who so much as moved the wrong way. Her face, littered with scars and wounds, was devoid of any kindness. 

Mettaton, who stood to her right, looked just as unfriendly. His smile held a quirk to it, waiting for anyone to challenge his position. You already knew that he was someone who should be feared, even with your own experiences aside you knew that this monster had been responsible for many Impetus and Exhortation deaths. He didn't need weapons, his arms were folded over one another and his posture gave off enough haughty confidence to scare away most beings. 

It was too bad that most beings did not hail from the Exhortation Region. 

You walked without a bounce in your step towards the other two. The bundle of clothes who you assumed to still be the Catalyst Region Leader and the bumbling skeleton at his side appeared much more jovial about what was about to happen. Well, as jovial as a large pile of clothing could look. 

You studied it closely. The skeleton, Papyrus, looked far too happy to be of any danger to you or your Leader. You didn't need to worry about him. 

That large mountain of cloth and fabric was currently swaying, having a hard time maintaining balance despite there being no wind to disrupt it. Your suspicion peaked, you came to the conclusion that about half of their imposing height was clothing. Half of them as wobbling, so unless they were standing with their arms above their head to steady themselves, you doubted they were passed six feet. Their stature had giving off the idea that they were nearly ten feet in height, but that obviously wasn't true. 

Unless it was a gelatinous monster, you supposed. In that case, you would keep an open mind as to why they would want to hide themselves. 

You were just paces away, and when Alphys stopped, you did as well. 

_And now you had to pay._

Your frown deepened and you suppressed the memory before it could bubble up. You saw both Undyne and Mettaton take a threatening step forwards, the former's eyes trained upon the Leader at your side, and you did the same. While you were not on the field of battle often anymore, you were still a seasoned warrior and whomever threatened your Leader would have the privilege of experiencing that in person. Alphys shot out a hand to press against your abdomen and, not wanting to embarrass your Leader further, you took a step backwards. 

"Good evening," Alphys greeted. She did not smile. Both Undyne and Mettaton nodded curtly, rudely, but Papyrus immediately jumped into action. The Catalyst ambassador, strangely stripped of all Catalyst clothing, jumped in front of his brother. 

With a wide and almost genuine smile, the skeleton extended his arm to your Leader. You didn't move to stop him. You knew this monster was no threat. 

When Alphys took his hand and shook it briefly, the large skeleton let out a cheer. "Good evening to you, too, Alphys!" You had a feeling that his voice should have been much more boisterous than it was. It wasn't necessarily quiet, not in the slightest, but it was lacking a certain flare that you were certain belonged to him. Alphys pulled her hand out of his grasp but kept her arm extended, waiting for the Catalyst Region Leader to take it. 

You had a feeling that all eyes were on you even when the Leader placed a gloved hand in Alphys' scaled one. "Good evening, Sans." 

_"You cannot keep doing this, Sans,"_

You felt bile rise to the back of your throat and you fought the urge to vomit. "*It's good to see you again, Alphys." Sans was the one who ended the hand shake, his voice sounding unmistakably familiar. You were reminded of the similarly dressed thing at the bar last night, but dismissed it. The Catalyst emblem was visible on almost every article of clothing on the mound draped over the being in front of you. Those had been absent last night. 

You decided to be childish and think that there were many people named Sans who happened to not be skeletons, and there were plenty of walking clothing mountains. You knew that you were wrong on both accounts, but this war had stolen away all of your chances to think of anything irrationally and now that it was ending you dared to do just that. 

The heavily clothed hand was thrust out in front of you next. You took it in yours and immediately clapped your empty hand over the back of theirs, ignoring how Undyne visibly lurched forward at the unnecessary contact. "*It is good to see you, as well, Lieutenant General _____." 

You nodded and took your hand away from his. "Thank you, Catalyst Region Leader Sans." You took a step backwards. 

"Shall we head in, now?" Alphys spared a moment to glance over at the familiar meeting hall. The five of you nodded at her suggestion and began to make your way inside. Undyne and Mettaton were instructed by Sans to stay stationed outside of the building, and they complied without question. 

None of you missed the hint of longing in both Undyne and Alphys' eyes as they stared at one another. Alphys' gaze quickly returned to a stern and dismissive one, though, and Undyne went back to her trademark glare. It was a tense few steps into the building that followed. 

_Flames licked at your skin without hesitation but you did not shy away from them. Rolling up your sleeves, you sank your hands into the near lifeless body currently erupting with fire and hauled it over your shoulder. It was strangely ironic that you would be using the fireman's carry to lift a man made of fire._

_A low groan echoed from their lips and they nuzzled into the cold your body provided. You could see nothing but smoke and steam as your bodily fluids mingled with the fire. The heat was indescribable, but aside from evaporating your blood and snot, the fire neither caused nor cauterized any wounds. The man jostled slightly from where he rested on your shoulders and without a moment of hesitation you spun around and began to haul your ass out of there._

_You crossed a short distance before flopping him unceremoniously on his back beside the dozens of bodies within the small clearing. He looked so helpless, his glasses cracked and the frames mangled. A few of the bodies, the ones still thrumming with life, stirred at his heat. Like it hadn't harmed you, this man's flames did not burn anyone. You turned around carefully and regarded the scene for any more signs of danger. You were still going to head back into that obliterated building to search for more bodies, survivors or not, but you didn't want to put yourself in any more danger if you didn't have to._

_A few of the people below you let out hollow groans and you ignored them, for now. You didn't know much about first aid, but when you returned with the last of the people inside, you would do your best for them._

_Something crackled, and you angled your head down to see it. The man you had just rescued was reaching out for you, their flames dampening in intensity. Their burning fingers brushed against your trousers and their mouth, or what you assumed to be their mouth, opened wide. A thing that you associated with being a tongue or muscle made out of magma squirmed within the new opening, and you liked to pretend that you knew what they were saying. The constant downpour of bullets raining down on an area closest to you strangled out the sound of their voice, and you turned away after giving a short nod._

_He clutched at your leg as though wanting to stop you, but you pushed away from him. The explosion that had taken out the building was still ringing in your ears, a loud and thunderous scream that went well with the sounds of despair coming from the cluttered mass of bricks and broken glass. Fire, a kind that would hurt you and had been successful in doing that, was filling the air with more heat than you would have liked._

_You rubbed at your eyes and dove into the building once again. Your boots thudded heavily against the concrete flooring and you threw over mattresses and tables to search for the next person who needed rescuing._

_You couldn't save them all, but you could try, dammit._

_An almost soundless wail broke through the sound of falling bricks and roaring flames. You tore into the room that the sound had come from, immediately locating a human soldier. You raced over to them, the wind from your speed breaking through a wall of fire at your side. You lowered yourself so that you could scoop them up, this person looked too injured to be simply thrown over your shoulder like so many had been before._

_The emblem patch on their shoulder caught your eye. It was a sword with four edges placed inside of a flower._

_You didn't hesitate to pick them up and hold them tight against you, careful not to disturb their wounds more than you needed to to get them out of there. Right now, you didn't care about what region they came from, you didn't care who they fought for._

_You couldn't save them all, but you were going to try._

_A metallic clang sounded from far off in front of you, and you looked up after depositing the body to find the same robotic monstrosity that had haunted your dreams for so many nights. Cold eyes stared into yours and you narrowly missed it as a long arm detached from its socket to lunge at you. Just as you had done so many months ago, you leaped out in front of the bodies that you had a sudden desire to protect._

_This time, though, you weren't an inexperienced soldier with a knack for punching. Instead of simply spreading out your arms to try and ward off the robot and act as a shield, you continued to splash through the puddles of blood and melted flesh. You weren't sure if it was courage, bravery, or adrenaline fueling your passion as you closed the distance between yourself and the robot currently gnashing its teeth. You chalked it up to idiocy._

_Ducking just as another arm soared towards you, you knelt down and pried one of the guns from the hands of another soldier. You didn't know if they were dead or dying, you would find that out later._

_First came dealing with this metallic mass of nightmare fuel._

_He clearly didn't recognize you as the human who had escaped so many months ago, you blamed it on the blood smeared over your face although you knew your weary features contributed greatly to this._

_You had aged so much in the last few months._

_With a startlingly loud battle cry that ripped through the ever present sound of bullets, you let out a stream of your own._

You took your seat beside Alphys, watching in muted wonder as Papyrus plopped down at your side. That left Sans to sit across from the three of you, looking alone and isolated. 

The meeting commenced without a hitch. The deal was discussed in greater detail, and Papyrus seemed to be ecstatic about it. You were to show him everything you could about the Exhortation Region, you were to show him the utmost kindness and hospitality, you were to provide housing for him and his guards. You were basically just being told everything that you had already been warned about by Alphys, but in greater depth. 

The length of time, fourteen days and thirteen nights. The time this would start, tomorrow, though Papyrus would be coming home with you and Alphys, guards obviously in tow. All of the necessary details were shared in a meeting that couldn't have lasted longer than two hours. By the time you were done, you'd run through a thousand more moments from the past but hadn't zoned out once. 

Alphys was already packed to leave, not opening her folder even once throughout the duration of the meeting. She had accepted a few scattered papers from Sans, them mostly looking like loose pieces of notebook paper with notes scribbled onto it. "*I want this war to end," Sans had said, his voice tired. It was then that you knew he couldn't have been the person from the bar, "*I won't let my side continue fighting, and I hope you have the same goal." 

You liked this Catalyst Region Leader monumentally more than the previous. That wasn't saying much, you still had a great amount of sour disdain and prejudice against the would-be heathen, but he was somewhat tolerable. You felt antsy in his company, but you knew that was just because his name gave you jitters that reminded you of one of your first battles. 

_When your bullets ran out, you lifted the gun above your head and charged. When you were within range, you slammed the butt down into the metallic cranium, watching with carefully disguised delight as sparks flew into the air. You spared a glance back towards the people you were defending and-_

"*I told you that I would find out your name." You nearly jumped. Of course the first time of the evening that you zoned out, it would give the Catalyst Region Leader enough time to sneak to your side. 

_-you felt the full force of a fierce uppercut as Mettaton delivered a shattering hit to your jaw._

You resisted the urge to glare at the Leader and nodded. "I apologize, sir, but I do not recall you speaking to me before tonight." 

"*You don't remember last night, at Grillby's, Lieutenant General _____?" 

You arched an eyebrow and nodded. "I do, Catalyst Region Leader Sans." Realizing you were coming off as rude, you straightened out your back and rose to stand. You noticed that Sans had taken up residence in the seat that Alphys had previously vacated. 

The headache you didn't realize you had began to throb. "*Hm." 

"I apologize, Catalyst Region Leader Sans. I did not realize that you were the person I was speaking to last night. Please excuse me." Sans waved you off and you began to make your way out. 

You saw Alphys slip out of the large meeting hall and made long strides to catch up with your Leader. Sans kept up with you easily, even as you began to ascend up the long row of stairs. His mound of clothing slipped slightly, an arm reaching up to pat it back into place. You weren't going to overstep any further by touching or asking him about it, so you kept your mouth shut and your hands to yourself. 

_You let out a long stream of curses as you were flung back. You didn't pause to apologize to whomever you stepped on when you tried to steady yourself. Clutching your chin with one hand, you hefted a hand up your gun and slammed more pullet magazines into the cartridge with the other. Aiming at the metallic being as it shifted and squirmed, fingers tracing over a dent you had left in its skull, you fired. And fired. The ferocity of the bullets leaving the gun rattled your arm and you had to release the grip you had on your face so that you could grasp at the weapon with both hands._

_This didn't phase the robot in the least. Like a snake slithering towards its prey, Mettaton slunk over to you with a great deal of grace and speed. You didn't flinch as it towered over you, but you did blink as something large and red slammed into the robotic being, knocking it to the side. You looked to your right where the blow had come from, and were pleasantly surprised to see the fire element monster sprinting over to your side, a warm ball of fire already prepared in their hand._

Sans said nothing as you reached the final step and almost ran after your Leader. He followed diligently, his elegantly long strides making yours appear clumsy in comparison. You threw open the door and held it open for the Leader, but he reached an arm over your head, something that seemed to be a feat for him to manage, and instead held the door for you. You thanked him and slipped through the door. 

Papyrus was already waiting, a furious Undyne at his side. "Sans!" The giddy skeleton called, his voice still lacking that certain quality that you were almost certain he needed. Undyne looked ready to scold her Leader when she caught sight of him, an action that could result in death if she wasn't careful or if her Leader was cruel, but she halted when she spotted you. She trained a hardly glare on your person, of which you pointedly ignored. 

Undyne escorted Papyrus to the car you and Alphys had taken, your Leader already having taken her seat. Sans hadn't followed, a fact that made you immensely relieved. 

_He lurched forward and sank a powerful punch into robotic flesh, tearing through the metal with ease. Mettaton didn't stick around but you knew it wasn't because the fight had discouraged or scared him. He looked very triumphant for someone who had almost certainly been bested._

_The man made out of flames rose to look at you, appreciation dribbling from his gaze as he adjusted his broken glasses. He reached out a hand for you, to which you eagerly clapped yours into. Slapping your other hand over the back of his, you shook his hand gratefully. If it weren't for him, you would no doubt be dead._

_You asked him how he had been so willing to face such a terrifying opponent, to which he only replied, "I'm not one for fighting."_

_You didn't question it._

You pressed a palm to the side of your face and rubbed the heel of your hand into your temple. Papyrus was chattering with Alphys, the latter becoming much more animated than you had ever seen her. The thought would have made you smile if it weren't for the aching pain in your skull. The almost flamboyant skeleton seemed to have a very positive effect on the people he was near, and you knew that your people would warm up to him quickly. Once they got passed him being a Catalyst. That might take a while. 

You didn't dare shut your eyes, instead focusing on the seat in front of you. You tried your hardest to rid yourself of the memories as they ran rampant in your head, never staying for too long but long enough to make you nervous and twitch with remembrance. You didn't want to remember, but you never got to choose. You never got to choose what you remembered, you never got to choose the event or the timing. 

Flashbacks didn't come back in chronological order. You don't get to relive one event today and tomorrow, you get to go through the next. No, the episodes are random and you can relive the first night on the front lines today and tomorrow, a day hundreds of days from that night could replay through your head. That's what nobody told you about flashbacks. You can't pick and choose what nights and what days you get to relive, you can't decide when you get to relive them, and you can't just will away the bad memories. They don't go away. They never go away. 

A hand placed on yours startled you from your thoughts. Alphys was staring at you impassively, but Papyrus dragged your hand from your face as he knelt before you. "Lieutenant General _____, are you alright?" You tried to nod but the skeleton was far more intelligent than he appeared to be. You supposed that war did that to people. "My brother, he sometimes looks like you do." 

You wanted to ask if Sans truly did, but the words wouldn't come. 

"Sans spent a lot of time on the field of battle!" The skeleton suddenly exclaimed, nearly shooting up to stand straight but his skull brushing against the roof of the car stopped him from standing up any further. He lowered himself so that he was again sitting back in his seat. "He fought valiantly for the safety of my people, and for my safety. He wouldn't allow me to enlist, instead urging me towards politics," You kept your eyes trained on him, finding that Alphys, who was seated on Papyrus' other side, was paying him the same amount of attention. "Instead, he volunteered to go in my place when I was inevitably drafted." 

For some odd reason, you had a feeling that he wanted to add something about how the Catalyst military would have drafted him because of how great he was, hence the 'inevitably'. You didn't say anything. 

Papyrus was the younger brother, right? You felt slightly concerned that he had wanted to jump into the fight. He seemed almost precious, too friendly, and he wouldn't last long. You knew that if your sister had been this eager about joining the war, you would have likely tied her up and locked her in her room. "He was sent to the front lines, and he fought valiantly there, as well!" The mood dropped as Papyrus suddenly looked away from you. He was silent for a few minutes before his voice creaked out again, "Please, please forgive my brother for what he has done. He is trying to make it better." 

You looked to Alphys and silently asked for her permission to comfort the skeleton. He seemed more melancholy than you, a considerable feat with the memories of war dancing beneath your eyelids and draining your energy. She nodded and you placed a hand on his shoulders, surprised when he leaned into your touch. No, this monster would not have lasted very long on his own. 

You weren't one for words anymore, all need for sentimental words of encouragement gone the very moment you stepped onto your first battle, but you could try. "It's okay." You patted his shoulder gently, staring into Alphys' eyes as you continued. "I forgive him. It's okay." Alphys nodded in approval, and you were thankful. 

After a few minutes, Papyrus returned to his bubbly self with no lack of ease. He informed you that Undyne and Mettaton were in the car behind you and that they were watching very closely, seeming overjoyed at the fact. You listened to him with rapt attention, liking this Papyrus more than the one from a few moments prior. 

_There was only ever blood._


	5. Chapter 5

_Moonlight showered over you and the ground quaking beneath you shook your bunk. You could hear the sounds of gunshots and explosions from outside and began to wonder if you would ever get to hear anything else. The scratchy blanket sitting over your shivering form offered little warmth, but it was something to hold onto, and so you did. It really only covered your chest, you had balled it up so that it could be something to hold, but you knew it wouldn't press much heat into you anyway even if it was covering your whole body._

_You could have just taken the blankets from the vacant cots that surrounded the barracks, most people who survived did, but that didn't seem right to you. Their scent still lingered, their presence was still there, just because they didn't make it didn't make it right to you to steal their belongings. Perhaps 'Steal' is too powerful of a word, you knew that the others who survived were not thieves, but it still didn't sit well with you._

_Your shoulder twitched as a particularly loud boom rocked the barracks. Shutting your eyes tightly as if to block out the sound, you twisted your fists into the makeshift cuddling object and buried your face in its scritchy material. You felt a horrendous sob coming, your chest ached with the need to let it out, but you bit it back._

_You didn't get an opportunity to sleep often, so it seemed, and neither did the others. The days lasted years and the nights only just seconds, and you weren't going to steal away those precious moments from your friends and fellow soldiers. That would be thievery._

_You threw your arms around the wadded up blanket, careful not to make too much noise, and hugged it to your chest. You felt a harrowing yearn for peace as the gunshots grew louder, grew closer. Nuzzling your face into the blanket, you imagined that your side had won, that no one would again be killed over a territorial dispute, and that you had found love. You imagined that this blanket was a warm body belonging to someone who loved you and who you loved._

_But no one alive loved you. No one but your sister, you weren't sure of your parents. You knew that they did love you, but they had grown sick since you left for this stupid war, and for all you knew they had passed on. You assumed they stopped sending letters when you stopped responding._

_There was no time to write. There was barely enough time to sleep or eat._

_You pressed the blanket hard against you and pretended to forget the horrors of war. You imagined that all the blood you had seen was just spilled paint on a glorious canvas. Those screams were just a myriad of songs produced from annoying crows and squawking songbirds. No one had died, they were just resting up before going on with their lives. Everything was going to be okay. Everything is okay._

_But everything was_ not _okay. Perhaps this field is a canvas, but it is a bloody one. There were no birds to have left such horrible songs. Many had died._

 _You nestled your face into the covers and began to cry._

"Lieutenant General _____?" You looked up and met your bloodshot eyes with Papyrus' kind ones. He looked well rested, something you should have noticed upon first seeing him after waking up. You offered a small smile and asked him what he needed. "Are you alright?" 

You nodded, "What do you want for breakfast?" You asked, enjoying how every word that left his teeth seemed to further erase the memories playing around in your skull. The skeleton had a presence that soothed you, as much as you hated to admit it. 

The skeleton seemed to brighten at that, but still he did not smile. "Spaghetti?" You nodded and stood from your place at the table. Before you could pass him to reach the cupboards, his hand reached out and petted the fabric of your ACUs, drawing your attention away from your task. "You can speak to me. I know that we are not friends," The fact seemed to pain him, and he winced when he said it. "I know that we are not even acquaintances, and I know the history of this war and its causes. Still, I would like us to become closer. I would like it if someday, you called me your friend." 

He was radiating with hope and giving you such a genuine smile that you knew you would have fallen for his childish charm if circumstances had been different. If you hadn't been made numb to everything but the memories that haunted your waking moments and gave you terrible nightmares in the night. You knew that he would have most definitely been your friend, and perhaps you would have even loved him as a brother before long. That imaginary time is not real though, and you knew no such kindness nor did you know friendship anymore. "I'm sorry, Catalyst Ambassador Papyrus." 

You weren't letting him know that you were crushing his hope, not directly, but he seemed to get the hint. He visibly deflated, but not enough to chase away that determined look that gleamed in his eyes. "That is alright, Lieutenant General. If you would still like to talk, I am still here. And please, just call me Papyrus." 

You stared at him for a moment, "Are you sure that is alright? I would not want to offend you, your guards, or your Region Leader." You finally said, and he shook his head, telling you that no one would mind. You bowed your head respectively, "Then, please, just call me _____ when we are alone." It was the least you could do, he wanted so badly to be your friend and to help you and you could see that. Papyrus flashed a vibrant smile and patted your back. You started towards the cabinets in search for the breakfast noodles he so readily desired. 

_"Hey."_

_You lifted your head from where it had been pressed into the blanket and turned your head to settle weary eyes on the body in the cot next to yours. A dim flame was flickering on top of the blankets, a small fire crackling slightly. You didn't stare long and covered your face back up in the sheets, cuddling it closer to you and assuming that he wasn't speaking to you. He was._

_"Hey." He repeated, and this time you turned long enough to see that he was staring right at you. You met his eyes with barely concealed confusion and whispered over to him what he needed. "Are you alright?" You felt tremors shake your body, but they were heavily disguised by the vibrations of explosions near you._

_"Yes." You lied._

_You didn't know when he had slithered into the cot next to yours, you had been sure that it was empty when you crawled into bed and sank into the hard mattress, but didn't question it for long. He wasn't one of the people who usually occupied the barracks you called home, he had come with a group of people from several different barracks that had been mostly emptied out. An attempt to restore order and gain strength in numbers if need be, you were sure. "You can talk to me."_

_Your eyelids began to close as you listened to his deep hum. His voice was extravagant, not one that should belong to someone who was going to die out on this war. You hadn't heard it a few months ago when you rescued him from that wrecked building, but you were glad you could hear it now, even if you knew that in just a few short days he would be dead. He had said it himself; he wasn't a fighter. People like him died before their first battle was over, he was lucky to have made it this far. "I know."_

_You wondered when the next shipment of recruits would be coming in. You shuddered at the thought, mostly young people had been coming in lately and you hated to know that the youth of today would never get to become the adults of tomorrow. They would fill the bunks for one night and the barracks would be just as empty before the day was over. That was always what happened._

_You watched with little interest as the man lifted a dimly lit arm towards you. There was just enough space in between the cots that he made it a little more than halfway but was still not very close to touching you. "My name is Grillby," You could see the charcoal smile as it danced across his features. It looked to sincere to be in a war zone. You tentatively reached out your own hand, your fingers tangling in his for a brief moment before you grasped his hand in yours. It took a little bit of maneuvering and you were now hanging off of the bed awkwardly, but you clapped your free hand over the back of his and shook it._

_"My name is _____." You whispered, watching with careful eyes as his smile grew wider. It was faint against the small flames licking from his face, but it was there._

You stirred the noodles in the pot, completely lost in thought. Papyrus had opted to assist you in preparing the meal, whether his talk of friendship was genuine or not this act no doubt served to ensure you weren't poisoning him, and was working dutifully on the sauce. He bumbled about in the kitchen wildly, and it looked as though he had never made spaghetti before. His movements were robotic and unsure, and he kept asking you if he was doing well. 

"Undyne used to be my cooking instructor," Papyrus murmured softly beside you, his shoulders slumping and his aura radiated a sudden change in mood. You figured that you would need to get used to this, considering that it had happened twice since you had met him and you had only spoken to him twice. "I used to be very good, _____. I've lost those skills, now." 

You closed your eyes and couldn't fight it as you wished desperately for him to regain his lost talent. He sounded so sad, and even though you could no longer feel for anyone who wasn't you or your sister, you didn't want him to be sad. That might not work well in your favor considering the hefty task weighing on your shoulders, and even if that wasn't the case, no one deserved to have things they loved be taken away from them because of this dumb war. It didn't matter if that thing was a talent, a friend, or even something as silly as a childhood. 

As if sensing your pity for him, Papyrus spoke up again, "Do not feel bad for me," His tone suddenly took on one of regalia and confidence. "I will become great again." He looked over his shoulder to look into your eyes, a distinct flame flickering from in those passionate orbs now. "Once this war is over, I will become great!" He still looked depressed and defeated, but his voice did not betray his facial expression. 

You flashed him a soft smile and continued to work on the noodles in the boiling pot in front of you. 

_"So," Grillby started once you had shimmied off the edge and settled back in your bed. "How can I help you?" You were pleasantly surprised when he didn't ask you what was wrong. That question had been asked so many times and you always gave off the sarcastic answer and asked what was right. You were glad that he didn't ask that, you were too exhausted to muster up the faux cockiness needed for delivering that line well._

_You stared hard at him and searched for any hint of ill intentions or lack of sincerity, knowing full well that you wouldn't find any. When that had been confirmed, you gathered up the blankets into a loose ball and hugged it to you. "Nothing," You whispered, rubbing your cheek against the uncomfortable material._

_You didn't need to look up to know that he was sliding out of bed, but you did anyway. You watched as he abandoned his cot, no doubt warm from his flames, and strolled over to you. He crossed the short distance with ease and when he was standing at the side of your bed, he placed a hand on top of your shoulder. The skin there prickled from the instant heat that had been so readily desired by you, and when he asked you to move, you did._

_You scooted back to the other edge and felt a short gust of cold wind break through a crack in the wall behind you. The draft traveled through the barracks with ease and you noticed some of your fellow soldiers shiver when the wind came in contact with them._

_You broke from your thoughts as two strong and warm arms tucked around you and began to drag you forward. "Are you cold?" Grillby asked when he had gotten you close enough that you could feel his heat as it came off of him in waves. Your front was immediately hot, a delicious feeling in comparison to the aching cold that had danced along your skin moments ago, and your back was warming up where his arms were. He pressed you close to him and rested his chin on top of your head, an arm leaving your back for a few seconds to pick up one your left arm and drape it across from him. Once he was comfortable with how your limb was positioned over him, he brought his hand again to your back and held you close._

_"No." You lied, fighting the urge to snuggle into his warm body. The blanket you had previously been cuddling with was still sitting in between the two of you._

_Grillby didn't hesitate to guess the next thing, "Are you missing home?"_

_"A little." His hands slid up and down your back in a comforting manner, and though his flames were dancing along your clothing and skin, you felt yourself grow tired from the sensation._

_He nuzzled his face into your hair and breathed, "Please, tell me what is hurting you." His arms tightened around you and he lifted himself off the bed slightly to give you enough time to worm your other arm around him. You hugged him close to you, enjoying the warmth and comfort he provided. "You helped me, allow me to help you."_

You scooped out a small serving of noodles and poured a little bit of sauce into your bowl. The sauce was watery and had a few chunks of tomatoes, but you didn't mind. You walked over to the kitchen table and waited for Papyrus to serve himself before digging into your meal. When he was seated across from you, you began to shovel small bites into your mouth, crunching down on the noodles with sudden fervor. You rarely ate breakfast, there was no time for that, and so you hadn't realized just how hungry you were. 

_"You can't." You squeaked out, trying hard to remain quiet while also maintaining the ability to be heard by the monster holding you._

_He calmly responded, his voice still as elegant as it had been when he first began speaking, "I can try."_

_"Why?" You knew that that probably sounded as though you were seeking attention, or perhaps something to stroke your ego, but if Grillby thought that that was what you were doing he made no mention of it._

_Instead he ran his thumb around in circles over your clothed skin, speaking softly to you so as not to wake the others with his voice, "Because you are my friend, and I want to help you."_

_You pressed your forehead to his chest and thought about how the moonlight was completely washed away from your sight now that he was this close. You felt a hand leave you to remove the balled up blanket, and you felt him shake it out over your shoulder before draping it over the two of you._

_Grillby was patient, never pressuring you even when the minutes ticked away into an hour. He waited until you spoke again, the dawn just slipping into view from behind the horizon if your internal clock was right. You knew that it was wrong to not get any sleep, you would need it for when you were sent out again today, but you didn't want to fall into more nightmares. Instead, you told him of all your fears and worries, of all the memories that haunted you and how much you could never regret joining this war because it saved your little sister. You told him about the younger recruits who came in only just to die, about how you wanted this all to be a big dream and for it all to be fake._

_You told him everything you could until the sun had begun to slide up the sky and it was time to return back to the front lines. He never talked while you were speaking, but when you were finished pouring out the contents of your heart to him, he made it known that you were valid in your feelings and fears. He comforted you even as the two of you began to exit the barracks, still garbed in your sweaty combat uniforms from days prior. It was only when he was thrust away from you to go against a different group of Catalyst that he stopped, but you knew he would continue if he could._

_When you asked him again why he tried to help you, he responded with such ease that you knew it to be true, "You are my friend, _____."_

_You fought on, knowing now that you had two people alive, that you knew of, who cared. You hoped Grillby wouldn't die anytime soon._

"Undyne will wish to speak to you," You looked up as the last vestiges of your nightmarish memories faded. Your bowl had been empty for some time, and you rose to go clean it off. "She has some concerns, Mettaton does as well but he does not like you as much as Undyne does." 

You rose a brow at that, water splashing into your bowl as you turned on the faucet. Reaching for a sponge and taking Papyrus' dish and utensil, you stated that Undyne did not appear to like you very much, either. Papyrus assured you that, while you were right, Undyne still did like you more than Mettaton did. "When are those two getting up?" You asked. 

"Shortly," Again, you were struck with the sudden want to hear Papyrus regain a happiness that you didn't know him to have. You wanted him to bounce around with joy and be lost in glee, you didn't know why but you did. "It is still early, the sun has not yet even begun to rise." You nodded, placing your cleaned bowl in the drying rack and scrubbing at your fork once the dish was settled. "I mean what I said," You turned after placing your fork into the drying rack. "I would like it very much if you would talk to me. Only when you feel comfortable, that is." 

Papyrus offered a kind smile and said, "I would like you to be my friend, _____." 

You turned around again to begin washing his bowl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry I've been so inactive lately, between working and getting an injury, I haven't had much time to write! I'm okay, though, and while I work from 9am-10pm tonight, I will be hopefully be writing more for you guys! 
> 
> Thanks so much for your support! Thank you for reading and for those that do, thank you for commenting! <3 <3 <3!!!


	6. Chapter 6

_Warm fingers tangled in your impossibly long hair, undoing the strands from the loose bun that they had been kept in all day. You opened your eyes to stare up at the person straddling your hips, their eyes so full of warmth and love that your heart couldn't help but soar. You smiled at them and reached up your right hand to cup their cheek, knowing that your eyes were reflecting the same emotion that theirs were. They leaned into your touch and you ran the pad of your thumb over the skin just below their eye._

_"Hey," They leaned down suddenly, knocking their forehead against yours for a moment before placing a chaste kiss on your lips. You shivered in delight and brought both arms around them, holding them close to you._

_"Hey," You said, nuzzling your cheek against theirs. You could see Grillby sleeping from the corner of your eye, and while you were sure most of the other soldiers were awake, you decided it was best to be quiet. Everyone supported the two of you, looking up to you both as symbols of hope and change, but you knew not to be overly affectionate._

_Their arms tucked beneath you and you hugged the field medic closer to you. You didn't ask them about their day, they wouldn't have told you anyway. You didn't ask them how they were, they would have just shrugged. Instead you just slid your hands up their back and grasped their shoulder to pull them away from you. You looked into those soft green eyes, the ones that you had become so lost in for the past few months, and lowered them until their soft lips were on your chapped ones._

_They didn't separate from you willingly, pressing the kiss until it stretched into something passionate and beautiful. Your lips curled into a wonderfully loose smile, a dopey one that was always on your lips whenever they were near you, and you let the contact go on until it lasted for more than a few minutes. Pushing on their shoulders, you rested your forehead against theirs. They didn't seem satisfied, it was hard not to be greedy when it came to love in this war, and let out a quiet whine before leaning in to you again._

_You quietly laughed and turned your head, your short bark of laughter dying as their lips found your neck. You curled your hands into their hair and-_

"Lieutenant General _____." You looked up, thankful as the vestiges of the memory playing in your head began to die. Undyne was staring down at you from her position beside you, her eyes full of concern that you knew she was fruitlessly trying to extinguish. You asked her what she needed. "Nothing, you zoned out there." Her gaze was pointedly focused on your shoulder and you registered that it was twitching slightly. You willed it to stop, it didn't but it became less noticeable, and nodded your head at her. 

You were glad that she had brought you back to reality. You didn't want to see any memory, but especially not that one. You didn't want to see any memories with your former lover, for although they had died a long time ago, the wounds were still fresh. You turned your head away from the fish woman and settled your gaze on the two monsters far off in front of you. Papyrus was animatedly running around, intent on meeting as many locals from this area as he possibly could, and Mettaton was trying to keep up. 

You wanted to smile at the sight, your people were happy and seemed to be enjoying the company of this new monster, but you couldn't. You knew that they would hate him if they knew where he hailed from, you knew that his guards had taken many of their loved ones, and you could not be happy. "You okay?" You turned to look up at Undyne again. She wasn't looking at you. 

"I am, thank you, Catalyst Brigadier General Undyne." Her lips twisted further, as though she had just eaten something unpleasant, and she looked as though she wanted to say something. Before she could, Papyrus bounded over to one of the more distant groups of people and tried to talk to them. Both of you seeing the mixed emotions on the faces of the locals, laying on the spectrum from distressed to anger, the two of you began to take long strides over to them. 

_-began to whisper to them but you had no words to say. You let them mark your skin and hold you close, and you removed your hands from their hair. Your arms fell at your side, the sound causing you to almost miss their words as they spoke into your skin, "I'm going out tomorrow."_

_They were a field medic, but had never been on the field, instead taking injuries that had been brought in by other medics. You arched your body into theirs, arms scrambling back onto their back as you held them close. "Where?" You knew it was futile to try and convince them not to go. You all had jobs to do in this war._

_"Wherever Grillby is going," You didn't turn your head to look at the aforementioned monster. "We're following a team of soldiers to the position closest to Catalyst territory, they're trying to push us back even further." You breathed in deeply, enjoying the smell of them. They smelled like dirt and copper, the scent wafting over your person and bleeding into your clothes. "He was one of the soldiers identified." You asked how big the team going is, "Twelve soldiers, four medics."_

"What seems to be the problem, gentleman? Ladies?" You surveyed the small crowd of people as they squirmed in their seat. You knew a majority of them, maybe two or three of the faces weren't familiar. One of the younger girls averted their eyes and shuffled closer to an equally young looking girl, but the defiance in the second girls eyes told you that she was planning on doing something stupid. Undyne must have picked up on it as well because she moved so that she stood directly in front of Papyrus. 

You snapped your eyes over to one of the older boys in the group as he began speaking, "There is no problem, Miss _____." His face held a cheeky smile and his eyes were filled with malice, "We were just wondering why there is Catalyst scum," He spat, suddenly bristling with unrestrained anger, "In our town." 

You brought your hand up before he could continue speaking. Addressing everyone in the group, as well as the few locals who had begun to wander over, you asked, "Do you want this war to end?" Several nods, a few murmurs in the affirmative, and someone from behind you shouted very loudly that they wanted this war to end. "These people," You gestured to the trio at your side, "Are responsible for making that happen. If Papyrus, the skeletal monster you are so bent on finding flaws with, is able to mend relations with his people and ours, this war will end. He is the Catalyst Region Ambassador, and their Region Leader has made it clear that the happier he is here, the sooner this war will end." 

A few of the younger teens were staring up at Papyrus in awe now, but the one who had spoken was still skeptical. "He has no business here," They tried to argue, and you waved them off. 

"So you would like this war to continue?" 

A few of the other children began to elbow and shove at the boy, but you asked them that they stop. A few of the locals who had gathered behind you began to step so that they stood beside Papyrus, muttering their support for him being there. A few even clapped their hands on his shoulders and shook his hand, thanking him. You kept your eyes trained on the boy as he hung his head for a few minutes, raising it only when he had composed himself. 

The teen raised from his seat on the ground and began to step around the others, his eyes leaving yours to stare at Papyrus. When he got close enough and the hum of activity surrounding Papyrus stopped, the boy jutted out his hand and waited. He didn't have to wait long, Papyrus nearly jumped at the chance to shake his hand. The boy clapped his free hand over the back of Papyrus' and began to speak again, "Thank you for everything that you're doing here. I appreciate your efforts." Many of the locals visibly relaxed, and a few of the other kids got up and offered their thanks to Papyrus as well. 

It took a few minutes for the crowd to disperse, all of them wanting to express their gratitude to the skeletal ambassador and only drawing a larger crowd as they did so, which in turn brought more explanations and more thankful gestures. When it finally ended, the children ran off to go spread the news that the war was possibly ending soon and many of the older locals did the same, though they went at a much slower pace. 

It wasn't until the four of you were alone did you ask, "How did they know you were Catalyst?" To your knowledge, all Catalyst emblems were removed from their clothing, as per Papyrus' request. 

Undyne shrugged, but Mettaton readily spoke up, taking steps towards you as he went, "I am not entirely sure, but I believe that they recognized me from the news," His voice did not betray the venom in his eyes, but you didn't back down. He may have made your shoulder twitch and your thoughts race, but you've long since stopped being afraid of this monster. He stopped at a distance where he could have easily reached out and snapped your neck, but his next words told you that he didn't recognize you and his anger wasn't directed at you, "Do you know what they were planning? They looked terribly hostile." 

"They were fine," Papyrus interjected, walking out from behind Undyne, who immediately folded her arms across her chest. "They're just kids. I would react the same way if I saw Impetus or Exhortation strolling around on my territory." He turned his gaze from Mettaton over to you, wearing a soft smile that didn't reach his kind eyes, "Exhortation Lieutenant General _____, could you please show us some of the sights in this town?" You asked him what he wanted to see. "Wherever you would like. We can start out at your favorite place and go from there." 

You nodded and started off towards the only place you could think of, "Are you all hungry?" You asked, and Undyne uncrossed her arms and strolled so that she walked by your side. Mettaton shook his head and Papyrus did admit to being slightly hungry. 

_They had to report to their own barracks before long, tearing away from you reluctantly and placing a somber kiss on your forehead. Their hand pressed to your chest, stopping you from rising to take them over to their makeshift home, "I'll see you tomorrow," They whispered. You grasped their shoulders and pulled them down for a loving kiss, ignoring the feeling of eyes on your person._

_"I'll see you tomorrow."_

_You woke up the next morning to notice that Grillby, as well as a few other soldiers, were already gone. Less than twelve hours after your eyes first opened, Grillby was holding you just like he used to, but this time you were sobbing openly into his arms. He was telling you that your lover, your love, had fought valiantly when she was forced to fight and you knew that they hadn't. They weren't a fighter, they were someone so full of love that they couldn't hurt another soul. They weren't a soldier, they were a medic._

_You knew that Grillby had tried to protect your love, and you had no doubt that they had resisted his help until the very end. You didn't need to ask how many lives that they had saved, them being one of only six who perished while you were out living, breathing._

_You listened to his soft hums, full of words bearing comfort as he tried to soothe you. You laid with him below you, your head on his chest and his arms around you. He ran his hands up and down your back, the ministrations serving to do nothing but remind you of your lost love. But you knew he was trying._

_You buried your face into the material covering his chest and he continued to tell you how wonderful your love was on the field. The fact that neither of you knew their name rubbed you the wrong way, but you knew that you had never shared your names. You two didn't want to become attached to one another should you die in combat._

_You hadn't prepared to be the one left standing._

_Your grip on Grillby tightened and you nuzzled into his ACU blouse. You felt tired, impossibly tired, and you felt sleep drag at you. Your shoulder was twitching almost endlessly and you couldn't stop it even if you tried._

_The two of you were symbols of hope and change, and while the hope was gone, the latter would live on. Just as you were sliding off to sleep, you decided that you would try to represent determination and change, you would work hard for this war to end as soon as possible._

_You let your eyes close but did not release Grillby from your hold. You doubted that he would be letting you go soon, anyway. He continued to whisper his admiration for your love, his words lulling you to sleep._

_You were so exhausted._


	7. Chapter 7

From the very moment he stepped into the small bar, Papyrus was popular. Before both feet had even crossed the threshold into the building, cheers erupted from drunken lips and monsters and people alike rose to meet the would-be boisterous skeleton. If Papyrus feared their intentions, he did not show it, choosing to bound into the warm building with trivial ease and remarkable joy. He jumped from person to person, shaking their hands and patting their backs as though he had known all of them for years. A few of them you thought that he might have actually known for longer than the few hours he had been awake, many of them referring to him as "The Great Papyrus". Papyrus waved away their words, though. 

While you were glad to see him so readily accepted, Sans would be happy to hear that his brother was already popular among the Exhortation people for the promises of the war ending that he brought, you couldn't be happy. You slid up to the bar and rested your elbow on a counter top, waving a waitress over to you shortly after getting comfortable. The only one behind the counter, a young girl with shoulder length blonde hair that was currently staring at Papyrus with unbridled awe, slowly made her way over to you. 

You watched from the corner of your eye as Mettaton crossed his arms and sent you a pointed stare. You shrugged it off and turned your full attention to the barkeep as she opened her mouth, still staring at Papyrus, "What'll it be, ma'am?" Her voice was light and as dainty as she looked, bearing no charms that would reveal she was a woman working during a war. Her voice was missing the scratchy undertone that many held, retaining a girlish hue that most girls had lost before exiting secondary school. 

You studied her for a moment and waited patiently for her to face towards you. When she did, she offered a sheepish smile and set the cup she was holding down. "Can I get four drinks? No alcohol." The girl nodded, her hair bobbing as she eyed you carefully. "I'll order food when they're done socializing." She nodded again, her smile dripping into a genuinely kind one. 

You were glad that she hadn't been sent off to war. You were a pretty good judge on who would last long and who wouldn't, and this young girl fell into the latter category. "Sure, thanks!" She darted off, her gaze on you broken as she turned again to look back at the skeletal ambassador from Catalyst. From where you sat, you could easily hear the thrum of chatter and excited clatter of feet as monsters celebrated Papyrus' arrival and humans reveled in the sudden shift of mood. You had to admit, it was a lot more friendly than it usually was, something you would have thought hard considering the light atmosphere this building always seemed to radiate. 

A body slid into the chair on your left and you half expected to turn and see the Catalyst Region Leader sitting there again. Instead, you stared hard into the concerned face of a local whose name you had long since forgotten. You were usually good with names, but this particular person had never caught any of your interest, "Hey." They said, leaning their body even closer to you. You furrowed your brows for a moment before raising one in question. "I know you came in with them, but do you know who that is?" The local pointed towards Papyrus and you noticed how their hands were calloused. 

You were speaking to a male, most likely in his mid thirties like you. His fingers were long and fat, squishing together as he pointed at Papyrus with two fingers. "Yeah," You gruffly responded, thanking the barkeep when she returned with four non-alcoholic drinks. "Catalyst Region Ambassador Papyrus." 

The local nodded, starstruck. "Can you believe it?" You nodded and lifted each of the mugs to sniff the contents. "Do you know what this means?" You didn't answer, you knew they weren't going to wait for you to nod again. You separated the drinks based on flavor, all of them being different variations of the same soda. There was one that smelled like lemon, one of cherry, and two of orange. "He's going to make everything better, isn't he?" 

The local sighed happily and you turned to stare at him, surprised to find him staring at you instead of Papyrus. He didn't look like he wanted an answer, but you gave one anyway, "He'll try." Someone began to try and tinker with the jukebox and Papyrus jumped at the chance to help, gaining even more favor from the residents in the bar. Though most of his face was blocked off by the man's figure, you could tell that he was wearing the very expression that you wanted to see; the same expression that you knew belonged to him. His voice was loud and heavy with happiness that was almost tangible, and when he raised himself to a standing position after fixing the jukebox, you saw what you knew you would. 

His eye sockets were closed and a deep laughter was bellowing from his chest and through his teeth. His hands were grasping at his hips and his back was arched, "WELL DONE, HUMAN!" He shouted, his grin full of glee as he opened his eyes and clapped a hand on someone's shoulder. You were so glad that no one had tried to hurt him yet. You knew it would come, you knew some idiot would get it into their head that this war could be ended sooner if they took Papyrus hostage. 

That in mind, you grabbed one of the mugs containing orange soda and drank. The liquid splashed over your tongue and the contents stained your teeth with a sugary coating that was more than a little unpleasant. Gulping down the slightly sludgy mixture, you plopped the mug back onto the table and pushed it away from you slightly, despite there being more than half the mug left to drink. You hoped that you had gotten the only disgusting one, it might not fare well with the others if they got one. 

A heavy aftertaste mucked in your mouth and you scowled. The local had turned away from you and was staring openly at Papyrus, who had begun to dance jovially to the music. Or perhaps not to the music playing currently, the rhythm in his hips did not match the beat coming from the jukebox speakers in the slightest. You thought it fitting, he gave off the aura of someone who regularly indulged in his inner child even if his actions did not betray that. 

The music was something out of a classical era of music that you had forgotten the name of. Or perhaps you had just never learned; while you were growing up, music was not a part of any curriculum. "Something bothering you?" You swiveled your head to your right, noticing for the first time that Mettaton was not by Papyrus' side. You noticed this because he was sitting in the bar stool next to yours. 

You shook your head and kept quiet, instead sliding over the remaining three drinks and asking him which one he would like. He kept his eyes trained on yours, not paying the drinks any mind, and you spoke up, "Nothing is bothering me." 

The left corner of his lips quirked slightly and he arched an eyebrow at you. Unlike you, however, he didn't let the silent question remain quiet, "Are you sure? You don't look all too happy to see the attention Papyrus is attracting." 

You shrugged, thinking about confiding to him that you just weren't a happy person, but decided against it. While you did not know this monster, you knew what he had done, you had seen what he had done. Such deeds do not go unpunished, and if your silence is his little smack on the wrist then so be it. It was childish, it was foolish, but the inside of your mouth tasted gross and you weren't becoming overwhelmed with flashbacks. 

You did not turn away from him until Papyrus had wandered over, his slightly downtrodden composure returning and all earlier happiness leeched from his voice. "Exhortation Lieutenant General _____, Mettaton," You wondered if the robot had a formal rank or if his shoulder boards were empty for a reason, "Are you two coming to dance?" 

He carried the same amount of sadness that he always did, that hidden gleam in his eyes that told of war and tragedy and suppressed depression, but after seeing the same joviality that you knew belonged on his person at all times, you couldn't help but feel discontented. "No," You stated simply, "Papyrus, I ordered drinks for all of us. What do you want to eat?" 

Papyus didn't take long to mull over his options. The bar served french fries and burgers, occasionally french-fry-stuffed burgers or burger-stuffed-french fries, there weren't many choices. "I will take a burger, thank you, Exhortation Lieutenant General _____." You nodded and asked what Undyne would like. From where you were seated, you could see her animatedly chatting with a pair of dog-monsters and did not want to disturb their conversation. "Order the same for her." You nodded and looked over your shoulder at Mettaton. 

"Oh, darling, I don't eat." The way he said 'Darling' sounded similar to how he had said it during your first confrontation with the robotic beast. Undyne stalked over and, from the look on her face, it was evident that her conversation had ended prematurely. 

You wondered idly about this odd group of monsters. Two were known killers who acted as though protecting Papyrus was their main priority, but when surrounded by strangers and good food they seemed to unravel and even go as far as to leave Papyrus' side, though you were sure that they were keeping a close eye on him. 

Mettaton leaned back in his seat, nearly toppling over because the bar stool was a stool and not a chair with a back rest, and glared at you. You shrugged it off and lifted your mug back to your lips, swallowing more of the thick liquid. It didn't go down easy, but you had had worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No flashbacks today :


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick reminder, flashbacks are not chronological! ;l

_You stood at the position of attention, your bunk at your left as you stood to its right. You stared with careful concentration at the wooden plank on the wall far off in front of you where, just yesterday, there had been a person standing in front of, but that didn't matter. They were gone, and it made it all that much easier for you. You weren't sure if you could look anyone in the eye anymore, not after yesterday._

_You waited with bated breath as your barrack commander traversed through the short hall of bunks and defeated soldiers. She had a clipboard in her hand and her eyes were constantly roving over the broken husks of men and woman who had either just arrived a few short days ago or who, like you, had been here for months and maybe even years. Her left hand, she was left handed, was constantly ticking over the sheet of paper on her clipboard but you knew she wasn't checking who was here and who had died yesterday, you knew she was just counting how many had survived. Names didn't matter here, you had learned within the first few hours of your first role call a few months back. Numbers were what mattered because numbers were reliable._

_You had questioned it at first but you didn't now. Names left attachments, left traumatic scars that tore up the psych and left unfathomable regret for those who had witnessed those names go from ones belonging to people to ones belonging to bodies. Numbers were reliable because if everyone was just a number, and not one kept over a long period of time like a name was but a number that changed day by day, then there could be no attachments._

_Or, at least, that was what you told yourself. You had questioned at first, and when no one gave you an answer, you had to formulate your own based on experiences and feelings over time._

_A soft hum sounded from behind you, far away. That mattered. As did the throaty whistle of something falling from high up in the sky, and the explosion that followed would matter too. Feelings did not matter, answers did not matter._

_The tears threatening to spill from beyond the pearly orbs of your eyes did not matter._

_You stared hard at that wooden board, almost going cross-eyed as you focused on a screw that stood directly at eye level for you. The commander, she held no rank that you knew of and had only been assigned the duty because the previous second-in-command had not stayed alive long enough to take up the role your barrack commander now dutifully carried out every morning, was slow and precise in her movement. She went over the tallies and marks twice, thrice, four times, before nodding and dismissing the room._

_Even after she had finally exited the large makeshift home, no one moved. It wasn't until perhaps two or three minutes later, when the lull of war and the cries of the injured several buildings over reminded everyone where you all were and what had to be done. The room was chaotic then, pulsing bodies, throbbing with adrenaline and foreign emotions that were no doubt going to be lost by the time the war was over, shoved and pushed out all others. The room was a mesh of movement and gross bodies of which hadn't been washed in weeks, and for some, months._

_You laid back down on your bunk and waited for the chaos to die down. Most of the other veterans did the same, it was too hazardous with the new soldiers crowding out precious space and forgetting what it meant to be a team, what it meant to share. They took up more space than needed every morning, a habit that would either be broken with time or would be cut short as soon as their life was, and were loud enough to attract enemy soldiers from hundreds of miles away, or so it seemed._

_The veterans had long since stopped telling them to quiet down, to move and to share the space provided. "We are all going to die anyway," Marc, a lively young man who died a few months ago when stray shrapnel lodged in to his skull, had said. "So what if there is a little mess? So what if there is a little chaos? There is plenty of it and more on the field, we are all going to die anyway."_

_No one had liked Marc much. He made sense though, most of the time. He was one of the older veterans despite being a few years younger than yourself, he couldn't have been older than eighteen at best. But this young man had been on the field when the war had first started, and so most people listened to him._

_You stared up at the metal bars that lay horizontally across the bunk on top of yours, securing the mattress above it. You had chosen a bottom bunk only because an older man, whose name you didn't know because he passed on within days of you first coming to the barracks, had told you that the top bunk was his and that he wanted you to be below him. At first, you had thought it to be some kind of show of dominance. You had learned quickly, though not quick enough to appreciate it when he was alive, that he had just wanted to make sure that you were okay each night. Not physically, no one cared if anyone was okay physically, but emotionally._

_The chaos began to die down when one soldier tripped over the other, an event that would have resulted in a skirmish elsewhere but simply simmered into muttered apologies and muted signs of slight aggression. The newer soldiers were always so full of hate, even for those who fought alongside of them, but they were almost always smart enough to know where to release it._

_Finally, you slid your knees over the side of your bunk and let your feet hang over the edge as you sat up, your heels scraping against the hard wooden floor as you secured your position on your bed. The mattress squealed with discomfort as it always did, and you patted it twice before ducking your head beneath the metal frame of the bunk above you and rising to your feet. As though your very presence reminded everyone, the other veterans included, about the impending war all noise died down and everyone turned towards you._

_Until that all-too familiar ringing sounded from the intercom, no one was going to be subjected to the various horrors you had been forced to see. That fact withstanding, you all still had duties to perform and training was still to be conducted._

_Despite only being here for three months, you were one of the most experienced veterans in the barrack. Because of this, everyone listened when you began to bark out orders, throwing all standard procedures to the wind as you informally pointed to different soldiers and assigned them tasks. The six rowdiest would spend the morning cleaning up the barrack, and it had best be spotless when everyone returned from PT. The two youngest were going to spend the next twenty minutes studying up on how to care for their weapons, both failing the inspection you had held last night._

_You continued to assign jobs to most of the soldiers before picking out the seven veterans, not including yourself. There were thirty three soldiers in the barracks including yourself, and when compared to the forty nine yesterday morning, there was more than enough jobs to go around. Since twenty five of them were going to be busy with the jobs you had just assigned them, you decided that the seven, not including yourself, would have the option of engaging in a PT session or to help the others with their jobs. No one in your small group had opted for the second choice, and so you informed the others where PT would be conducted and immediately headed out._

_Your PC hung on your head like dead weight and the sunshine lapped at your exposed skin as you stepped outside. The grass crumpled beneath your feet with soundless defeat, your heels grinding in to the soil as you took off into a sprint. The others followed like hungry wolves, dead set on keeping up with the pace you had set._

_It went without saying that you were the fastest in the group, you had avoided death for so long because of the agility and speed you possessed. Not to undermine the strengths of your fellow soldiers, most of them had only gotten passed death because there was always someone in front of them to take the bullet instead._

You stared almost lifelessly into the pair of eyes staring into yours. Your frown twitched and began to descend into a terrible scowl with every second that passed, an unfathomable amount of memories displaying from those equally uninterested pupils despite no physical images reflecting off of them. The robot in front of you arched an eyebrow in response to your moving lips, a quiet question on his lips as he leaned even closer to you. 

Papyrus had gone to bed some time ago and Undyne was watching you both with careful attention but had yet to move to interject the robot from getting any closer to you, so it felt more or less like the two of you were alone. He looked smug, as though he believed he had cornered you and you were now a willing victim, but a victim nonetheless. The thought amused you and you almost desperately wanted to change this thought he no doubt had in his head, but your better judgement stopped you from challenging him by leaning any closer. 

You wondered if he thought that by staying still you were displaying some sort of cowardice. It was possible, in fact it was probable, but whether he did or not would not invoke any inappropriate actions on your part. Should he choose to engage you in something other than conversation, you would respond accordingly, for even though you appeared idle to him now you were just as fierce as you had been your last moments on the field. 

The corners of his own lips began to curve and tilt skywards and he leaned back, arms crossing over his broad chest. You studied him curiously, though you were sure not to let any of this show on your face. You were now doubtful that he stood any chance of recognizing you like you had recognized him, he was likely just trying to provoke some sort of action from you which would deem you incapable of looking after Papyrus and aiding this peace treaty along. 

Mettaton opened his mouth to speak, and you leaned back even further in your chair but did not take your eyes off of him, not even when his hand moved to the table and his fingers began to drum against the wood. "How are you doing?" He chirped, his voice full of the hubris you had become accustomed to. He didn't wait for you to answer, "I think Papyrus is doing well," 

His tone left off in a slight rise, a question that he expected you to answer without it actually being a question. You bobbed your head in a nod, watching in your peripheral view as Undyne knocked her hips against your sink so that she could stand up fully, "I agree. He seems to be fitting in with ease, and I have no reason to believe that this war will continue so long as he continued to touch the lives of the Exhortation people positively." You slid your gaze over to Undyne, ignoring how Mettaton seemed especially pleased with that, "How do you think Papyrus is doing, Undyne?" 

Undyne seemed happy to finally be included in the conversation despite having made no move earlier to start any talk or to join in on your impromptu staring contest with Mettaton. Her eye, the one uncovered by her eye patch, squeezed shut tightly in a visible display of happiness and her throaty voice bubbled from her chest, "Oh, totally!" You wondered if she had had any sort of formal training on how to address others, but figured that she was just being informal to try and lighten the mood. "The locals seem to love him, and knowing Pap, he loves them, too!" 

You smiled and listened as she very animatedly recounted the past few days that Papyrus, as well as Mettaton and herself, had spent in the Exhortation Region. None of these events were ones you were unfamiliar with, but it was nice to see her so open and friendly. You had a vague feeling, as unexplainable as the one about Papyrus and how he should be this jovial being instead of the serious one that he was, that this was how she was supposed to be. 

_The rush of air tossed your locks to and fro and, calling over your right shoulder, you gave the order that headgear may be removed. You heard the sound of shuffling feat and tired breaths and pushed yourself harder in the hopes that it would motivate the others to work harder as well._

_You turned back to face the scenes in front of you, quickly racing to the usual PT area. It was a wide clearing with few trees; the grass was always stiff there and the soil never softened regardless of any downpour that might shower over it. It had previously been a firing range, back when war wasn't something that seemed possible and the large Exhortation camp had been nothing more than a quaint little boot camp, but now the Catalyst and occasional Impetus were your practice targets. The clearing still held sweat and tears like when it had been serving its original purpose, but instead of bullets raining down into the hard soil there was dozens of feet trampling through the already dead grass and instead of-_

_Your thought was cut off as something sliced through your cheek. You immediately halted, your arms throwing out on either side of you to prevent anyone from taking a single step forward. Your eyes scanned over the area, you had led your small platoon into a slightly wooded area that was more full of fallen trees than live foliage. You set your hardened eyes on a pair of almost lifeless eyes far away from you, staring into them as you took in the sight of the body far off to your right._

_They were human, from what you could tell. Their eyes were dull and their mouth was open in what appeared to be a permanent scream. The thing that gave them away, however, was the grip that they held on the gun in their hand. Rigor mortis was tricky to get right when one was acting dead, but it certainly didn't come in the form of limp fingers and pale knuckles._

_That damned Catalyst emblem certainly didn't help them any._

_You continued to stare and feign vacant idleness, your thought rampant with procedures and protocols that you were most assuredly going to ignore in a minute. You thought about the consequences of just turning around and charging back to the nearest superior officer, but you didn't need to look behind you to know whose lives you were risking. Just as you had thought you would, you threw caution to the wind and began to run towards the would-be dead body. Your feet pounded against the soil, which had a little give to it, enough to cause your boots to bounce back up at you with ease._

_Blood dribbled down your cheek and you didn't so much as flinch as it began to drip down your face like tears, nor did you when your assailant lifted their gun, obviously acknowledging that they were found out. Unfortunately for them, your speed was one of the key contributors to your constant survival, and within heartbeats that seemed to stretch for far too long, you were upon them. They barely had enough time to pull the trigger and unleash a stream of bullets into the sky as you twisted their arm away from you before you dug the heel of your boot into their abdomen._

_The others in your platoon stared at you as you grasped the Catalyst by the shoulders and began to slam them into the ground with fervent force. Short huffs escaped their lips as they tried to catch their breath, and you wondered for a moment how someone so young could be doing this. Both you and the soon-to-be dead body beneath your grip. How had you, a twenty one year old girl, become so good at using brute force to get what you wanted? How had they, someone who looked like they couldn't have been older than Marc, been able to not only get their hands on a weapon but also aim it at a person, you, and shoot?_

_But these thoughts didn't matter. What mattered now was that their uniform was wrinkling in your tight grip and that their skin was twisting beneath your boot._


	9. Chapter 9

_Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. One second, your arm was drawing back, preparing to deliver a crushing blow to the being in front of you in hopes of disabling them, and still minutes later your arm was still reaching back and your fingers were slowly coming together. It was grueling, it was impossibly slow and it was maddening. With every second that passed an eternity swirled by, an eternity staring into eyes full of fake fear and teeth that promised to rip into your flesh if you offered so much as a heartbeat of hesitation._

_In a way, it was thrilling. It was slow and it was awful, but knowing that you had so much power in your fist was beyond thrilling._

_You wondered if you were becoming a monster. Not the friendly kind that stood on your side of the war and often shared a cot with you, but the kind that was blood thirsty and horrible._

_Without a moments warning, time sped up again and your fist was crashing into the face in front of you. Your knuckles dug in, painful for the both of you, into their cheek and before another second could pass your shoulder was thrown out to the side again and your arm was moving back to prepare another powerful punch. The face in front of you, belonging to a young human woman who couldn't have been older than fifteen or sixteen, was bloody and tear stained. Her maw was parted and a ghastly sob was thrown repeatedly from her lips and her eyes were trained solely on your fist now._

_You smashed it into her face again, just below her eye. She flinched, as most would, and tried to scramble out of your grip but you held on, the fingers of your other hand curling into her uniform recklessly. You were angry and you were tired. You'd seen this girl, an Impetus soldier, crash through the forests closest to where your platoon was stationed, feigning injury only to pull out a knife and stab it into the legs of those who had tried to help her. Your soldiers._

_She hadn't killed any of them, she hadn't had the chance, you had jumped on her too quickly, but she had put several of them out of the fight for a while. The three she had managed to hurt would be sent to the ward and all of the day's progress would be lost as the rest of your soldiers dragged them back to camp._

_Thinking of this again, you slammed your fist into her again, aiming for the throat. You felt her teeth scrape your fist before you saw her move, and when you did see her you noticed how tightly she had lodged those fangs, there was no other appropriate word for them, into your fist. You didn't feel the pain, you just felt the bone dig into your skin._

_With little reservations, you released her uniform from your grip, watching as she fell to the ground. You raised your other fist, which she was eyeing carefully, and brought it down quickly only to stop it just inches away from her eye. The only eye that was peeking out from beneath blood soaked skin._

_You stared into her eye. It was coal colored, a soft and gentle color that, in another time, you might have gotten lost in. You moved your gaze to her lips; chapped and ragged flesh covered in oozing blood dripped into sight. She was frowning, or maybe scowling. When she flinched, the corners of her lips dipped and tightened. Her sharp features were lost to memory, and even though she was right in front of you, you could feel her fading away in your mind._

_Casting a glance over your shoulder to your soldiers, three of which were keeled over and holding injured limbs, you succumbed to the sudden surge of anger that washed over you. You felt it come in waves, tugging hard at your heart and numbing it to what happened next._

_You wrenched your knife from its holster with the hand that had previously been suspended over this young girl's face._

_Impetus soldiers didn't typically engage physically in the war that surrounded your very soul, but that didn't excuse this girl._ You wished you felt bad for what happened next. 

_Time slowed yet again as blood sprayed from an open jugular and the air grew damp. Your ears registered a choking sound behind you and you knew one of your soldiers was throwing up the contents of their stomach._ You wished you weren't so numb to the almost nonexistent memory.

_As if on its own, your arm continued to rise and fall and the knife dribbled with Impetus blood. You squinted your eyes against the spraying blood as flecks dotted your cheeks and pooled below you._ You wished you could totally forget the girl's face.

_When your arm had finally stopped moving, you threw yourself into a standing position. The dead body stared up at you with one swollen eye but you refused to commit it to memory. Stumbling slightly, you turned your gaze back to your soldiers._ You wished that that girl wasn't just a number. 

_"Is everyone okay?"_ You wished you felt even the tiniest bit of regret or guilt.


End file.
